Perfect For Me

CHAPTER 38 (Ryan Lander)

Carefully I closed the door to my house. I deeply exhaled. And then I couldn't stop the smile taking over my face. Being in love definitely was strange. 'Cause yes, I was in love. I was undeniably in love with Liam. Whenever I was with him, I felt safe, like nothing bad could happen as long as I was at Liam's side. No, that's not right. It didn't feel like nothing bad would ever happen to me again, it just felt as if going through these bad things wouldn't be so hard because I had Liam with me. When I was with him, I felt like I was where I belonged, I felt HOME.

I hadn't told him yet. What if he didn't feel the same? What if I was just some random flirt to him? What if he didn't even like me?! I shook my head. There was no way what my brain tried to tell would be right. If he didn't like me, why would he have taken me back after I ran off after kissing him? Twice?

For now I just had to wait until he would call me. I had convinced him to listen to the song, when he was alone, maybe with Ethan but preferably completely on his own. I was hella nervous. Song-writing had always been a way of coping with my feelings for me. Showing it to others made me feel vulnerable but mostly just strange. I couldn't help feeling a bit like some wanna-be-popstar, seeking for attention. Even though that had not been my intention at all!

"Ryan? Is this you?" No mom. A burglar with our house key. I rolled my eyes. Some questions were just "mom-questions". In reality there's no need to answer them (or even ask them) but you have to say something nevertheless or you'll get in trouble. So, I shrugged my jacket off while simultaneously trying to get rid of my shoes and shouted a loud "Yes!" in the direction of our living room.

"Hey, how did it go? Did your friends like the presents?" "Yeah, think so..." God, I was really bad at communicating with my parents. "That's great.... Did you get something as well?" See? Mom-question. Which friend doesn't give you a Christmas present after you gave them one? "Yeah.... Jeremy got me a new soccer-ball and Andy's present was driving me to school for the next two months so I don't have to take the bus.... Oh, and I got bracelets!" I wasn't sure why I told them about Liam's gifts, it's not like I would tell them I was gay and had a boyfriend just now. Or ever.... "That's lovely... didn't know you were a jewellery-type...." My mom said the last part under her breath, but I heard it anyways. I rolled my eyes. They didn't know a lot of things about me. "Actually, I left the ball in the car, I'll get it real quick."

It was true, I had left the ball in the car, but I had done it on purpose. I mean, what was I supposed to do with it in my room? Seems like I was about to find out. I really had needed to get out of the awkward tension and getting my present had been the first excuse on my mind. I thought it was great that my parents were trying. And I really could tell that they were doing their best but everything was just....weird. With a sigh I opened the trunk of my brother's car, taking out the ball. Carrying a soccer-ball, something that is meant to be played with your feet, in your hands didn't feel right to me. So, I put the ball on the floor and decided to try kicking it up while going back inside.

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"Hey...." "Hey...." I bit my lip anxiously. No, not anxiously. Ryan Lander did not get anxious. Not even over his boyfriend. Well maybe a little. But it was completely reasonable! I mean it's not everyday that you write a song for someone who didn't even know you were singing and also is one of the most important people currently in your life! I put my phone on speaker and laid down on my back. The other side of the line was quiet. Too quiet. "So.... Did you listen to the song?" "Yes...." "Well, and did you like it?" "Erm.....the song was nice. But you know, the voice... I don't know..." I could hear the humour in Liam's voice. Nevertheless I put a hand over my heart in mock hurt even if he couldn't see that. "Oh, you wound me! What did I ever do to you?" "You know, I can think of a few things. For ex-" "Yeah, yeah, I got it!" I exclaimed. No need to relive all those stupid pranks I played on him.

I heard a deep breath coming from my phone. "But seriously: I loved it. And your voice is the prettiest I've ever heard. Thank you." I could hear the sincerity in his voice. I blushed and the butterflies in my stomach went wild. Oh what this boy did to me! "That's great." I could somewhat feel his hesitation to speak up again. "Um....can- can you maybe si-.... Or, erm never mind." I smiled. I had a suspicion of what he wanted to say. But I wouldn't make it easy for him. If he wanted something he had to tell me. "Oh? Go on, what do you want?" In front of my inner eye I could see him rolling his eyes. He sighed. "Okay.... I- Can you maybe sing it for me? Like now?" An unstoppable grin took over my features. "Aw, is little Liam embarrassed? I bet you are blushing now!", I giggled. Yes giggled. Even a manly man can giggle! "Oh stop it. I'm hanging up!" "No!", I cried out. I knew he hadn't been serious. And maybe I was blushing too. Not that I would tell him.

"So what? Are going to sing?", A voice reminded me of my purpose. "Okay." I took a deep breath. Why was I so nervous?

"I am used to being alone -or so I thought

'Cause right now it feels like the first time in forever

That I'm here without you

Just yesterday I hated you -and you me as well

Today I know how wrong I have been, (oh) so wrong

Now I know I like you

And I know I'm being ridiculous

'Cause I saw you just the other day

Still I somehow miss you

Every minute I'm on my own

Because

You make my mind go crazy

Just when you are here with me

'Cause baby you are perfect just the way you are

Your smile simply leaves me breathless

Your laugh I love to hear

'Cause baby you are perfect just the way you are

Perfect for me"...