blackpink one shots. (for your heart).

i feel so alone. (jenlisa)

Lisa's P.O.V.

It was probably three in the morning when I looked over to see Jennie wide awake staring at the ceiling as if it was speaking to her. I looked at the ceiling just to make sure it was not, looking back at her it wasn't rare for me to see her like this. Yet every time I try and ask what is going through that head of hers, she runs away. She would leave me in a dark for hours as she was in the bathroom doing who knows what. A part of me hoped it was only crying.

The last time I had finally found the courage to get up and go talk to her, all I heard was glass shatter, a muffled 'fuck', and the door opening to a wide eyed Jennie as she saw me standing in front of her. She had broken the bathroom mirror. I remember the scared look as her knuckles were bleeding and the only thing she had told me was that she had it under control and quickly  put me back in bed. It was the first time she didn't let me help her.

But tonight felt different. I could have blamed it on the full moon tonight but no it was if Jennie wanted to release whatever she was hiding. She didn't run even when she looked at me. She put a hand on cheek as if she wanted to confirm that I was awake. I was ready to fully move to a more comfortable spot so I can speak to her but before I could she gave me a tight squeeze. As if she did let me go I would go away and never come back.

"Have you ever felt alone although everything is right in front of you?" Jennie asked as she kissed the top of my head. My face drew a frown as I didn't know how to answer that. In moments like these I wonder what truly goes through Jennie's mind when she is completely alone.

Was there moments I felt alone? Yes, but it was never when I was with everyone and everything I had. I almost wanted to ask if I was the reason she felt so alone, that I didn't give her enough space or enough attention to let her live her life. But that probably would have ended terribly if that was the reason why she felt so alone.

"Like right now I have the love of my life right next to me. I have this beautiful home with you," Jennie chuckled a litter as her hold on me loosened. "But I am still feel so alone," Jennie mumbled quietly, her voice not breaking once and it made me wonder if those times when she ran to bathroom she had practiced how to bring this up to me.

I sat up as Jennie followed suit I couldn't help but stare at her confused features as if she didn't even know what was going on with her. It was't rare for Jennie to  go on and on about how she felt, if anything I enjoyed it. One of the many reasons I had fallen in love with her. She knew how to communicate even if it didn't make any sense. She put her feelings out there even when she didn't know what it meant.

Just like the day she told me she was into me, it had slipped from her mind before she could even process what had come out of her mouth. It was hilarious so to speak but that was Jennie, confessing her feelings without worrying about the consequences.

"Lisa I'm confused," Jennie had said as she threw her pencil across the room. I rolled my eyes as she looked at me with a sorry look. It was probably the fifth time I was teaching Jennie the same Chemistry concept. And maybe even the tenth time she had thrown that poor pencil across the room again. I couldn't help but think that maybe she had a problem with the pencil rather than learning what was in front of her.

"Well maybe if you didn't throw the pencil you wouldn't be so confused," I chuckled as Jennie quickly got up and grabbed the pencil, sitting down as if she was ready to learn a bunch of nonsense again. "You know you can tell me that I am not a good tutor if you aren't learning anything Jen," I told her once again, reminding her she didn't need to have me as her tutor. She could easily find another one.

"It'll break your heart though," Jennie mumbled quietly, and although I could have argued it wouldn't, she was right. It would have torn my heart if she chose another tutor. "It's like me telling you I don't want to watch a Disney movie with you, or that I was not completely into you," she said as I looked at her with a surprise face. 

She suddenly realized what she had said and quickly stumbled over word for word trying to make it sound platonically rather than romantically. I couldn't help but shake my head as I knew Jennie had confessed something she probably was hiding in that head of hers and all in all I had found it completely adorable how she tried to fix her words.

After what seemed like hours of Jennie trying to redact what she had said I quickly put my hand on her mouth to shut her up, "So you're saying you're not into me?" I asked as I gave her a small pout, if she wasn't going to admit it, I might as well. Confessing feelings wasn't so hard when the person in front of you basically slipped it out of their mouth.

"T-T-That's not what I-I am saying," she mumbled through my hand. I put my hand down barely noticing the redness on her cheeks. "I-I-I'm really into you," she said with a shy smile.

I chuckled as I looked down a small blush finally creeping it's way onto my cheeks, "I'm into you."

I smiled at the small memory but looking at her now she wasn't a blushing mess or smiling she was lost right in front of me. Before I could even throw out a sentence or a question Jennie had continued her confession. "Nothing is wrong yet everything is. I don't know Lisa, am I going crazy?" Jennie asked sadly and in desperation for an answer. It was if she, herself, was losing her mind.

"Jennie, look at me," I said as she looked at me with desperation in her eyes. "You are not going crazy you're just lost in your thoughts again," I saw her let out a sigh as if that was the only confirmation she wanted to hear. As if me telling her the truth was the only good thing she needed.

"I think I should go home for a couple days," she asked and looked down as if she didn't want to me to turn back and tell her that going home was absolutely crazy. We both knew that she didn't even know what home was.

I chuckled as I lifted her chin up, trying to not only get rid of her thoughts but my own. She didn't deserve me thinking negatively right now, "You don't need my permission to go home love."

She gave me a small smile as she looked back down at her hands that were fidgeting with the bed sheet. The last time Jennie was ever home was even before we had started dating, and that was almost five years ago. Once we met she was always with me, she never spoke about her home, she never invited me to her home. But I had never questioned it.

"Where is home?" I asked her quietly, I wouldn't have been mad if she didn't hear me or even responded to me with a smart ass answer. Hell, I wouldn't have been mad if she choose not hear me. She looked at me with a small glint sparkling in her eyes almost daring to give me one of her typical cheesy answers.

But I didn't want cheesy, I wanted the truth so I frowned letting her know that although I do love a cheesy line I did want to know where she believed home was. I wanted to know where her safe place was, that if I wasn't near where would she run off too.

She swallowed the lump in her throat as she looked to the side. "Your parents house," I was surprised that my parents were much more home than her own but I smiled as she laid back down on the bed.  I knew at that moment she was tired of confessing and wanted to just sleep. "Come here," she said as she grabbed my hand urging me to come back down with her.

"I love you," I said as she gave me a small kiss on my head. "You are not alone, you know," I told her as I grabbed her hand squeezing it. Trying to let her know that what I was saying was more than true. She deserved nothing but the truth.

She chuckled as she pulled me closer to her, "You know now that we are on the topic of me going crazy?" I could only hum into her chest as I knew something ridiculous was going to come out of her mouth. She may have been serious for a short while but she hated ending the night on such a serious note. "Can you be my sugar mama who like gets me a therapist?"

I laughed as so she did, "I can book you an appointment with someone." I felt her nod as our laughter finally seized. I knew all she wanted to was to see and talk to someone other than me, I am not there all the time so it was only best she saw someone other than myself. I smiled as I finally felt her relax into me.

I held onto her tighter as I never wanted her to feel alone again. I didn't want her to get lost again. A trip home and a therapist would be a refresher for her, "You are going to be okay."

-

can someone be my sugar mama/daddy and get me a therapist? :)

requests are always open. starting from heartbreak to straight out cheesy.

- noah