you broke my heart. (chaelisa)

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11:28 PM

There she sat in front for the bar wanting to get away from the world for a second. Everything seemed to grow dimmer and dimmer for her. Dreams were becoming pointless, trying her hardest to archive something was becoming pointless. The dream of performing in front of a huge crowd seemed to grow further away.

Should have stayed in college, she thought a chuckle falling from her lips as she downed the rest of the brown liquid in her cup. Maybe then mom and dad would still be here, she thought as tears starting to drown her eyes. She sniffled a bit as she looked at the people who were now filling the bar, not the time to cry Park.

Yet here she was getting ready to perform in this lousy place full of men who wanted a quick fuck, and women who wanted to find their knight and shining armor. Why do people try and find love at a bar? She thought but was quickly reminded she was one of those people. Ashley, she chuckled at herself as past memories started to overcome her. She was also one of those people.

She smiled as the tears slowly but surely started to fall, Ashley. She closed her eyes and dumped her head in her hand as she wiped however many tears were coming out of her eyes. After a year she still affects me, she thought as she looked up deciding to leave before the so called DJ called her name. She didn't feel like performing tonight. She put a couple of bills underneath her cup and left the shitty bar. 

Tonight just didn't feel right, but when doesn't it? She thought as she pulled a cigarette out of her shirt pocket lighting it up with a strangers light who had offered. She kept walking as she started to realize that she had stuff to do the next day. She was beginning another start in another city hoping for something. And maybe going out this late was probably the worst decision she had made.

It's not the first time, she chuckled as she knew her head was just thinking things to get her riled up. "God, don't I feel stupid," she said out loud as she looked up at the sky as if she was actually talking to a God. As if God was listening in to her problems, as if God was going to fix everything for her. "Why did you bring her to me only for her to break my heart? Was the others not enough?" She continued and yet she stood there waiting. 

She got no response.

God should be known as a pussy rather than some strong being, she thought a scoff leaving her lips. She looked down at her feet and realized her shoes were old. Last thing she wanted was for the big guy upstairs to rain down on her with his wrath and ruin her shoes for good.

"Maybe it was to teach you not to be an asshole," she heard from behind her and she turned around looking at them with a slight smirk. Something she was used to doing, it was better than crying she had accepted. Who wants to cry in front of an ex?

"Me? An asshole? You're one to talk," she scoffed out as she dropped her cigarette on the floor to put out. "You know maybe God decided to put you in my life to tell me hey no one is ever going to love you," she said as she looked down at her shoe putting out the cigarette, her jaw tightening. She knew God worked in mysterious ways but honestly God had made her life a living hell. "That would explain so much more rather than because I'm an asshole, Ashley."

"You left me," Ashley scoffed as she walked beside her, she could practically feel the eye roll Ashley was giving her. The only thing she ever knew how to do honestly, she thought before she could look at Ashley who was just looking at her. Staring at her as if she was talking to a ghost, and with the way she looked Ashley practically was talking to a ghost.

"I left you because you broke my heart," she yelled out as she looked at her with cold eyes. Tears no longer wanting to come out. A nice surprise for her in fact, she didn't want to cry in front of her. "You broke me, I never did anything to you. I told you everything, I loved you," she said to her as she looked down her eyes finally betraying her. Tears were welling in her eyes. "It hurts you know," she chuckled out as she wiped her nose with her long sleeve.

"It fucking hurts," she said as she looked next to her only to see that Ashley was gone. A black cat ran across the street from her and she couldn't help but think maybe she was yelling at the cat rather than an actual human being. She chuckled as she looked around, she was alone, not even the cat wanted to hear her rant about love and heartbreak.

"I'm going crazy, am I?" She told herself as she sat down on the cold curve almost contemplating if she should go home. Maybe dealing with my roommate would be better than dealing with my fantasies, she thought as she started to pick up the small pebbles throwing them to the other side of the street. Her roommate would probably scold her for not having anything packed, what was the point of moving if no effort was being put in to moving?

"Are you okay?" She heard someone ask her and she could only scoff as she looked up at the stranger. Is she okay? What a dumb question to ask, she thought. "I'm sorry to bother. I just, I heard you yell and I wanted to know if you were okay," they gave her a soft smile and she couldn't help let out the huge sigh she was holding in. Be nice, Park. They're being nice, she reminded herself as she decided to play nice, her roommate would be proud.

Maybe her roommate wouldn't go berserk if they found out she had befriended a complete stranger. Maybe moving wasn't an option anymore. No effort was being put in might as well stay with her deranged roommate till they kicked her out for good.

She stood up brushing the dirt off her jeans as she looked at them, "No, the woman I loved left me for a bigger prick than me, which is fucking hilarious if you ask me. All my secrets are out to the world, so now my parents hate me. I have no friends to consult with just a roommate who falls asleep once I start ranting to her. I continue to dream a fantasy that will never fucking happen. I have not slept for God knows how many days. I'm, I'm not okay is what I'm trying to say."

She let out the breath she was holding in as she looked at them. She hadn't realized she just said all of that but she wasn't complaining. Better out than in, she reminded herself. Her roommate may be crazy but she always knew what to say. They gave her a sympathetic smile. She couldn't help but wonder why the hell did she open up like that? Was she really that broken? What in the hell were they even thinking? Was she crazy? Were they even a real person?

"It fucking hurts you know," she said after shaking her thoughts away, a sob finally coming out of her. "I tried and I couldn't keep her, or my family, or my friends. I lost them. I lost myself," she continued as they came closer pulling her in for a hug. Something she wasn't used to but wasn't complaining. "I'm lost," she said as tears fell once again while they just held her and told her sweet nothings.

After what seemed like hours of us just standing out in the cold holding each other. They let go of her and smiled as if they knew everything that was going wrong and they were going to help her. A thing she never knew she wanted more than now. Why not give it a try Park? Why not take another risk? Her thoughts were going rampant as she looked at those eyes for the first time that night. Those eyes were beautiful.

They were beautiful.

"Sorry, I'm Chaeyoung," she said as she put her hand out that was probably full of dried out tears. Something she hated and hoped the other wouldn't complain too much. They smiled as they grabbed her hand shaking it, a laugh falling from their lips. Their laugh was even beautiful.

They were even more beautiful.

"I'm Lisa." Was all they had to say before Chaeyoung fell into another deep hole.

Yeah, maybe moving wasn't an option anymore.

Yeah, maybe there was a God.

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i am in the mood to read.

- noah :)

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