Colin Firth - will he save me?

the conversation

Colin and I agreed that he would visit me the following afternoon. Matilda and her godfather Gery Butler are on the road for 2 weeks in Scotland, Colin's sons are with Livia in Italy. So we have enough time to talk about everything. I realize that he is not yet ready to bond emotionally to someone, the pain of the separation from his wife is too deep. I'm not sure yet if I really want to tell him that I already feel something for him, although we hardly know each other, will he understand me at all?As always, he looks incredible, he's wearing a white, almost transparent shirt and dark, skin-tight jeans. His curls hang in confusion on his face. I have to smile at the sight of him. "What is it, is something wrong?" he asks me. "No, everything is fine, I was just wondering why you don't wear your hair like that often, that somehow makes you so - unique." "Well, Livia always thought I shouldn't wear them curly because it makes me seem so childish." All right and we're back at LIVIA.

He just looks at me and tells me to keep talking. He would listen to everything and then tell me his point of view. So I get started, tell him that I've always raved about him, tell him about my soft knees when I saw him for the first time. That I feel an incredible physical attraction when I see him. That the smallest touch from him excites me insanely. But I also tell him about my loss of Paul, how I felt back then, that it took a long time until I was able to get emotionally involved again. That he was the first man I slept with since Paul's death. I tell him that I am drawn to him, but that I would rather have him as a friend in my life than not at all. I didn't realize that at some point I started crying. But I don't care that Colin sees me like this. He looks at me attentively all the time, doesn't judge me, just listens to me.

When I have finished, he takes a deep breath and begins to tell. He tells me about how he got to know Livia, that it was love at first sight for him, that it wasn't easy for both of them in the beginning, the age difference, the different language, the parents. He talks about how happy he was that she chose him, married him, started a family with him. He thought of staying with her forever and then suddenly everything changed. He didn't notice anything when she told him that she had met someone, fell in love with him, had an affair with him and did not know whether she could continue the marriage with him. He tells me that he was in an absolute state of shock, didn't know what to do, whether to break up or fight for the relationship. It was the time when he lost a lot of weight, he could neither eat nor sleep, threw himself into work and completely withdrew from everything. After a while they would have tried again, but he couldn't pretend anymore, he couldn't let Livia get close to him. The disappointment was too big, so the injury resulted in the final separation. Colin is crying. He is not crying loudly, but silently, only individual tears run down his cheeks. I try to comfort him, tell him that I understand him so well because I know how bad such a loss is.

Suddenly he gets loud and screams "You have no idea how it feels when you want your partner back and he doesn't, your husband is dead damn it. You don't see him anymore and you are constantly reminded of your time together. " Wow, that hurts. Colin immediately realizes that he has gone too far "I'm sorry, that wasn't fair. I didn't mean that, I'm an idiot. It must have been awful, please forgive me." I sink into his arms, we are sitting on my couch and I lean against him. I am letting my tears run free, thinking of Paul and the great time we had. Colin and I are both broken inside, each of us in his own way. After a few minutes I calmed down a bit and said "you know, sometimes I wish there was a knock on the door and when I open the door Paul is there with a grin on his face and says "Sorry babe, I forgot the key and I'm late again" but I know that will never happen. I had to say goodbye to my husband forever and I would have given everything that he is back with us. So I understand that you are mourning Livia. But you have to look ahead, life is far too short to be sad. " Colin doesn't say anything, just pulls me close to him, we're both hugging each other on the couch now, caressing each other, cradling each other. Again and again one of us starts to cry, or we both cry together until we are both so exhausted and finally we fall asleep tightly embraced.

When we both wake up, it's already dark. "Come on, let's go to bed, I'm too old to sleep here on the couch." We strip down to our underwear and crawl under the covers. As a matter of course Colin lies down next to me and hugs me. We kiss each other good night, again and again. Until we finally cuddle around like teenagers. It feels so good to be in his arms. Colin looks me in the eye, "you know, it's not that I'm not attracted to you, and I don't just mean that physically. I really like you, but somehow it scares me too much. I'm scared to be hurt so much and probably that's why I would feel so much against falling in love with you. " We kiss one last time, then we fall asleep closely embraced.

The next morning we have breakfast together. Colin seems strangely relaxed and happy and also feels liberated. Now that everything has been clarified between us, we have decided to let everything come our way. I ask Colin if he doesn't want to stay with me for the next few days, he says yes immediately and wants to get a few more things from his house later. And so we spend the next days and nights together. We no longer talk about our feelings. But we have endless conversations about God and the world, about the films we made, we hole each other with questions and can't hear enough from each other. The sexless time between the two of us didn't last long. We sleep together several times a day, fall on each other in almost every situation. We both enjoy it, try some things together that I didn't even know were possible. In the evening we sit tightly on the couch until one of us starts to satisfy the other in some way. But we don't talk about that either. We just give in to our lust and often fuck to the point of unconsciousness.

One morning Colin decides to fetch us fresh pastries and fruit, while I set the table for us. He says goodbye to me with an extremely long and extensive French kiss "don't forget me, my sweetie, I'll be right back." Less than 5 minutes have passed when the doorbell rings. Well, he won't have forgotten his wallet, will he? Smiling, I open the door and freeze at the same moment. Colin stands in front of me - well not really. The guy looks like Colin, he has Colin's facial expressions, he's almost as tall as Colin, as thin as Colin. Suddenly he says, "Aha, so you're the woman my dad fucks." "Matteo! Don't you want to come in first?"