Colin Firth - will he save me?

Colin's POV - Part two

My relationship with Livia hasn't changed. We live together like brother and sister, everyone leads his own life. I've now moved into our guest room, Livia travels a lot for work and I'm also preparing for my next film. So the next few weeks go by and I am slowly beginning to recover emotionally. The relationship with Matteo is still very tense, he talks to me, but only tells me the bare essentials, I don't dare to ask how he is doing in his "other family". I know the four of them do a lot together. I know I should be happy when she found her happiness with Gery, but I can't. The longing for her is too great, I often wonder whether I shouldn't just confess my feelings to her. Even if she may no longer feel for me, I shouldn't have to constantly reproach myself for not having at least tried.

One day I am drawn to Battersea Park. I have no idea why, I haven't been here for ages, but this park exudes a certain charm in its own way and I spend what feels like an eternity here. Lost in thought I am walking through an avenue when I suddenly see her. She wears a baggy look - a bit untypical for her - she probably wants to move around in public, but unobtrusively. She is now maybe 100 meters away from me and something about her movement puzzles me, she keeps stopping for a moment and bends over as if she were sick. I decide to follow her at a distance, if something should happen to her I could run to her at any time and help her. Suddenly she accelerates her pace and I immediately see the reason for it: Gery. He must have been running, at least he is leaning against a parked car, sweaty. When he sees her he laughs and reaches out to hug her. My heart contracts I knew I would see them at some point, but I didn't expect it to hurt so much. Laughing, he cradles her in his arms like I used to do. Maybe I'm just imagining it, but it seems to me that she returned my hugs much more tenderly back then. But maybe that was just a wish of mine. Gery opens the passenger door for her and what I see then makes me doubt my sanity for a moment. The baggy look probably not only served to remain as inconspicuous as possible, a belly is clearly visible under her dungarees. This belly is not because she has a few pounds too much on her ribs, it is clearly a baby bump. I can't believe it, how could she keep it from me? I think about it for a moment, I know that she always used contraception, but there is never 100% security and we had sex so often that it could definitely have happened. I do the math, judging by the size of her belly, it must have happened just before we broke up. Unless, no, that can't be, it can't be, the child just can't be Gery's!

I have to be certain that if it is my child I have a right to know. When I'm back home I storm into Matteo's room: "We have to talk - now." "Dad, why are you bursting into my room? You don't respect my privacy!" "What? Before that wasn't a problem for you either!" "But now that's a problem." "Ok, listen I know it hasn't always been easy between us in the last few months, but you have to be honest with me now!" "Oh, how were you honest with me?" Matteo glares at me angrily "What's that supposed to mean?" "Don't you think I don't notice what's going on here? You tell me you wanted Mum back all the time and then you don't care what she's doing all day? I've seen how you act when you really love a Woman. You can't tell me that this fulfills you? That this is what you really want? " "I decided on your mum and that's all." "Fine, as you mean. So what do you want to know?" I take a deep breath "Is it my baby or Gery's?" "Well, I think you should sort that out between you." There was nothing more that could be got out of Matteo.

So I have no choice but to find out for myself. This uncertainty drives me crazy, so I call a taxi and drive to her. It would make no sense to sit in a car now, my thoughts are completely absent and I don't want to risk an accident, especially because I don't know what to expect during this conversation, should it come to a conversation at all. I ask the taxi driver to stop briefly because I want to get a bouquet of flowers, a small part of me is probably hoping that it will work out like in many Hollywood films and that the couple will happily hug each other in the end. I nervously take the few steps and ring the doorbell. I adjust to her surprised face but it's Gery, who opens the door. Of course, who else? "Hi, Colin. We didn't really expect you now." "I know, I hope I'm not inconvenient." I notice his eyes slide to the bouquet in my hand. "I saw you guys in the park today." "I see, come in, I think you should talk."

Nothing has changed in the house, there is always that delicate smell of her perfume hanging in every room, how much I loved coming home again and again. To her, to Matilda and Matteo, in our home. She is sitting on the couch and watching TV, one hand protectively over her stomach. She probably doesn't notice me right away, "Gery, was that the pizza delivery guy? We're going to die of starvation here!" When she sees me she jumps up, well, she tries at least as best it is possible under these circumstances. My God, she's even more beautiful with a child in her stomach. My feelings overwhelm me "I saw you in the park today, I thought you weren't fine because you kept holding your stomach, then I saw that you - well, that you were pregnant. I was worried and thought I'd take a look, how are you? " "You don't mean it, do you? After all that you've done to me, you show up here and think you can make it up with a bouquet of flowers?" Her words don't really surprise me, but they hit me right where it hurts the most."I know I was an asshole, I never really explained why I left, I know you owe me nothing but are you okay?" "If you want to know - yes, I'm fantastic, even without you. And I held my stomach because I really had to go to the bathroom because this little something in me had decided to make itself comfortable on my bladder . " I can't help but smile at her words. "What do you really want here Colin? Do you think you show up and everything is all right again?" "No, I know I hurt you, but I also had my reasons for my decision. But don't you think that I have at least a right to know if it's my child?" "You mean the same right that I would have had to know why you went back to Livia? Why did you accept hurting us all? I don't think I owe you anything, you decided to live your life without us, so I don't think it's your business who this child is from! " With her last words she looks at Gery, who has not interfered in our conversation so far. I realize that she wants to protect him, part of me is dying right now, I really thought it might be my child. What a fool I am, I've seen how he desires her and cares about her. "Ok, I think that says it all, good luck to you all." When I go out I say to Gery "Take good care of her, unfortunately I couldn't." Gery just nods to me. When I leave the house I don't know what hurts more, to lose her, to have the feeling of having a baby that is not mine or all at once.

When I get home Livia is not there, I wonder if I should open a bottle of wine, but I feel like something stronger. I choose a double whiskey. My thoughts only revolve around the baby, what would have happened if it had been mine, would we have found each other again? I never doubted for a second that I wanted this baby. "How are you dad?" I didn't notice that Matteo came into the room. He looks at me, I'm happy that I have my children, even if everything is going down the drain at the moment, at least no one can take that feeling away from me. "I don't know why this situation between you guys is so confused, but you know, Gery will take good care of her. He's a good guy. He was always there for Matilda too." "I know my son. But it hurts like hell." I can't remember ever being so emotional in front of Matteo or even that I cried in front of him. Matteo takes me in his arms and rocks me like a little child, just like I used to do with him. My little boy has grown up so much while my world is falling apart."

"Dad can you pick me up from Westminster Hospital, please - I'm fine, just can't make a phone call here." It was just after 10 p.m. when Matteo's message reached me. The last few weeks our relationship has been almost the same as it used to be, we didn't talk about a certain topic, he knew that it still hurt me too much, but on the whole we have come closer together again. Even though Matteo wrote to me that he was fine, I was very upset when I arrived at the hospital and didn't pay any attention to which department I went to. I stubbornly followed Matteo's directions. When I open the door to his room, he has his back to me. Matilda is standing in front of him, beaming at me overjoyed. "Dad - finally you are there, it all happened so suddenly and I didn't have time to call you, so I thought it was better you come over here, but somehow everything happened so quickly and the baby was there before I could have told you anything!" The baby? I break away from Matteo's embrace and there I see her - she's lying in a bed, looking exhausted, sweaty, her cheeks still glowing red from the exertion of the past hours. She is beautiful. And she smiles at me. "Dad - may I introduce you to a new inhabitant of the earth?" Matteo gently pushes me to the bed, to this little something that lies in front of me in her arms. She's still smiling at me. I've never seen a baby with so much hair, blond hair, you can already tell that it will be curled one day. Sure, her hair is blonde and Gery's also rather light. "Hi." I bring it shyly over my lips. "Hi." she replies, still smiling at me. I finally dare to look the baby in the face. The little one looks at me, at least that's what I imagine. My knees go weak, I feel sick, I can no longer breathe. I'm alternately hot and cold.

These eyes, that can't be possible. This baby, this little boy: he has my brown eyes!