Colin Firth - will he save me?

Mad about her

Colin

Of course, I knew perfectly well that she was going to get the role. Every director is keen to work with her, apart from her talent, of course, her name also attracts some viewers. I know that she loves to play theater, especially in London. But I hate the thought that she will do this with Tom Hiddleston though. I admit I don't know him. I value him as a colleague, I also believe that he is a very talented actor, but I know the reputation that precedes him. He has tremendous charm, the women lie at his feet in droves, he apparently enjoys his life and, above all, he has a significant advantage: not only is he younger than me - he has never really been tied, has not had a decades-long history with another woman for whom he would have to justify himself. I'm scared - scared of losing her again.

I often don't recognize myself anymore, she attracts me magically, I can hardly resist it. For a long time I thought it was mostly physical, but it's a lot more than that. It is as if there is an invisible bond between us. It's hard to explain, but I often think of her and suddenly my cell phone rings and she calls, this invisible connection has put us through a lot. I can no longer imagine life without her, but at the same time I know that I have to be careful not to narrow her down too much, to dominate her too much. While this works very well in bed, it would only cause trouble outside of the bedroom. And I have to get a grip on my jealousy. I know that this is due to my past with Livia, after she confessed her betrayal to me at the time, I find it difficult to trust again. Plus, I still have a strange feeling when she talks about Paul. It's like he's standing between us. I know that is unfair of me, he is no longer alive, but I still have the feeling that he would constantly torpedo our love. I decide to meet with Stanley. After all, he lost his first wife too, albeit in a different way. 

Stanley and I have arranged to go for a long walk. He knows my current situation as well as my past. I saw firsthand when he mourned Kate and a little later met Felicity, his current wife. Interestingly, I never asked him how it was for him to fall in love again so quickly - as a friend, of course, I was happy for him because I saw how happy he was. But now that I am in a similar situation, I have a number of questions.

"You know Stan - I keep wondering if she's comparing me to Paul, if she's really ready to get involved with someone again and I don't know, I'm just scared that I'll lose her. I don't want her overwhelm with my love. And right now I feel like I'm doing this. I don't want her to be afraid of me. " Stanley doesn't say anything for a while, as if he was trying to find the right words. "You know Colin, when Kate told me how things were going, I was terrified of losing her. At some point, however, I had to accept to let her go. I was able to adjust to it, I had enough time to prepare myself and saying goodbye to her. We lived every day like it was our last. Even if it was tough when it actually got there, it may have made a lot easier for me. Paul had a terrible accident. Imagine you say goodbye to your partner in the morning as always, maybe not particularly lovingly because you are currently under stress or you are not in a good mood. And then you come home in the evening and everything is different. The other one does not come anymore. Never again. Just like that. You may have so many things that you haven't addressed, that you would like to discuss, joint plans that you can no longer implement. Suddenly you stand there alone with a child, half the world is watching you grieve, waiting for your breakdown. All of this must have cost her incredible strength. "

" I know, sometimes I feel her sadness, I think that she often misses him. The crazy thing is I'm jealous of a dead man. I feel terrible about it. "  " You already know how much this woman adores you, don't you? " " Is she? " " Oh man, you must be really blind! Don't you notice that she looks at you very differently from all other men? " "It's crazy, I have a wonderful woman by my side and I'm still full of doubts." "You shouldn't, you have a child together, don't doubt their feelings, Paul belongs to her past, as well as Livia to yours. But her love is now for you, I'm one hundred percent sure. You know I had then guilty conscience towards Kate as I started developing feelings for Felicity. But I know she would never have wanted me to be alone, and neither would Paul. So go home to your girl and tell her you love her - every Day. And if you really want her you should maybe think twice and make a sensible proposal. "

Stanley's words accompany me on my way home.  I'll try to be less suspicious. In addition, I should really finally make an adequate proposal. Somehow we haven't been able to get the question and answer together all at once. When I get home I can't wait to finally take her in my arms again. "Honey, I'm home, do we want to go out for dinner today?" No reaction - on the kitchen table I discover a note saying "I'll buy diapers quickly, kiss". I have to smile, it is really unbelievable, we have enough diapers in stock but an apocalypse could break out and we have to be looked after. Just as I am about to sit down at the dining table with a glass of water, I notice the huge bouquet of flowers. Gerberas - her favorite flowers. Strange, it's not her birthday at all. There is a note in front of the vase, I can't help it, my curiosity drives me to open it "Hey, I knew you would get the part. I can't wait until we start rehearsing. I'm looking forward to you! Kiss , Tom. "

Her

As soon as I open the door, I feel that Colin is back home. I quickly ran a few errands, but now I put them away carelessly, I've missed him too much for the last few hours. I can put it away later, too, first I want to hug him. When I come into the living room he is sitting at the dining table, when he looks at me a shiver runs down my spine.

"What's going on with you and Tom?"