Colin Firth - will he save me?

.. all of a sudden ..

"Are you serious?" Colin turns me around "of course, otherwise I wouldn't ask you that!" "Colin, you know I enjoy the time with you, but it wouldn't feel right if we got married now. I also want to remember our past and as long as I can't, I don't want our relationship to take the next level to lift." Colin doesn't say anything, he gently strokes the hair off my face. "Does that mean you're breaking up with me?" "No, oh god no, I just want us to take our time and well, who knows what the future will bring." Colin turns away from me, I don't know how to react. I am drawn to him, but something still unsettles me. When I want to put my arm around him, he pushes me away. "Colin - please. You have no idea how difficult this is for me, we're approaching and then you ask me this one question." "For me it's different, for me we're not just getting closer." "I know, and I understand, it's not easy for you, but I just can't, please try to understand me." "I'd really like to, but I can't."

I try to hug him again, but he pulls away from me. Apparently he can be freezing if he's injured. I don't know what to do after he blocked all my advances. I lie down close to his back and let my head rest between his shoulder blades, gently stroking his shoulders. Colin is breathing heavily, he is shaking "Colin what's going on?" I find it difficult to put into words what will happen in the next few minutes. Apparently the pent-up feelings of the past few months are all coming out of him at once. He cries bitterly, his body tense up again and again. I try to calm him down somehow, it is difficult for me. "Colin, hey, everything will be fine. My darling, please, please don't cry anymore, it's all good, I want to be with you. I love you!"

He finally reaches for my hand and squeezes it tight. His resistance subsides and I manage to turn him around. He looks into my eyes, crying "Is that true? Do you really love me?" "Yes, I do, I love you and I want to be with you." I kiss him tenderly and pull him close to me so that his head rests on my chest. Tears are still running down his cheeks, I stroke his curls and hold him tightly in my arms. I keep telling him that I won't leave him until he finally falls asleep and I also fall into a restless sleep.

When we get home I feel Colin's insecurity. I try to show him my affection and at some point the situation between us will normalize again. We haven't had sex since our weekend together and I miss that. Colin is still sleeping in the guest room, one morning I hear him showering, I take up all my courage and go to his room. Almost noiselessly I slip into the shower with him. Colin only gives a short scare, he looks at me blankly. "Turn around." I put his hands on the tiles, the shower jet hits his shoulder blades exactly. I start lathering him all over, I notice how he tenses, I'm not sure whether he can't stand my touch or whether he enjoys it. When my hand slides between his legs, I know he's just aroused. I start to please him with my hand. Colin starts moaning, his cock getting harder in my hand. Suddenly he turns and lifts me on his hips in one movement. He presses me against the wall and penetrates me. He's still looking at me with a look that seems almost aggressive, he doesn't kiss me, I know that this time he won't be considerate of me, he'll take what he needs. I can't remember a man ever taking me so passionately. I don't know why, but the way he takes me excites me insanely "fuck me Colin, please fuck me". It doesn't take long before he pours into me. Exhausted, we both sink to the ground and hold each other tightly.

From then on, Colin sleeps with me every night, our relationship becomes more intense, not only sexually, we also appear as a couple to the outside world. The press shows absolutely no interest in us - presumably because neither of us have any current films and we can move around with our son completely freely. We enjoy the time together, but also with our children. It's slowly starting to feel like real family to me. When the weather finally cooperates, we decide to have a barbecue. Colin heats up the grill and I make a salad in the kitchen. "Honey, are you going to take some napkins outside with you?" "Yeah, sure I'll be there in a minute." I reach for the napkins and the salad bowl. As I step out onto the terrace, I look at Colin's back, I can't wait to see him by my side again tonight. Just as I am about to put the salad bowl on the table, his cell phone rings. A name comes up that seems so familiar to me, "Livia". And suddenly everything is back, all memories. Colin and I on the red carpet at the BAFTAs, our first night together at my house, the next morning when he told me he was going to Italy, the commercial, Matteo and finally the scene that is going on right now in front of me . Livia calls him, again and again Livia, the woman he left me because of. Scenes come into my mind when I found out I was pregnant, I made him believe that maybe the child is not his.

And I particularly remember a thought I had a long time ago. I can't fall in love with Colin Firth because I knew then that he was going to break my heart.