Colin Firth - will he save me?

Gaps

"And you really can't remember him?" "No, I mean, of course. Of course I know him. I mean he's Colin Firth, who doesn't know him? But I can't remember ever having met him. Let alone that a child should have conceived with him ! " "Well, the child is clearly his - and since you gave birth to David in our clinic, there is probably no doubt about your motherhood." the doctor replied. I asked for a paternity test when Colin told me the crazy story that he was the father of my newborn. I had emergency surgery after giving birth and lost a lot of blood. When I woke up from deep sleep days later, I couldn't remember anything at first.

I was still quite dazed when I saw a man in front of me who looked vaguely familiar. His dark curls stood in confusion on his head, his face was covered with a shadow of a beard and he had dark circles under his eyes. He looked like he hadn't slept in days. That's probably why I didn't recognize him straight away. I have to admit that I was very surprised to see him, he also told me something about a child that supposedly was mine and that he was the father. For a moment I really thought I had drunk too much and forgot that we were making a movie. When I explained to him that I didn't know what he was talking about, that I couldn't remember either him or "our son", his horrified look unsettled me. It quickly became clear to me that we weren't in any filming, but that I had a serious problem.

I was told that I had dissociative amnesia. After no medical cause for it was found, it was quickly blamed on a traumatic experience that I probably felt after the birth or the great pain afterwards. Why I had to forget my son and Colin Firth is a mystery to me. Colin didn't make the impression that he'd ever done me harm. He said we had our differences in the past, but we had only just found ourselves again. So far he has evaded my questions about details. In general, it is also difficult to have such conversations with a man who you know from film and television, but who is actually completely alien to you. I don't really know what to think of him. Sometimes he stares at me so that I get scared, then he looks deeply sad. 

Today Matilda comes to visit me, maybe she can explain what happened between him and me. In any case, it must have been something special. After all, we now have a child together.The story Matilda tells me on her visit leaves me even more perplexed. She tells me about Colin, how we quickly found each other, how he moved in with his son Matteo and then wanted to leave me again for his ex-wife Livia. She also tells me that Matteo spent a lot of time with us and that we were something like family to him. Oddly enough, I can remember some details about Matteo, I can remember a conversation when he told me that he wanted to be an actor. For me this conversation is like a scrap of memory, I can't remember any details.

Matilda tells me how sad I was when Colin left me, she thinks you could have noticed how much I would suffer from his loss and she knew that I must have loved him very much. I ask her about my pregnancy and she tells me everything I need to know. I can't believe I can't remember anything. After a while she asks me if it would be okay that she brought someone with me who really wants to see me. When she goes to the door to let the visitor in, I'm very curious "Matteo!" "Do you remember me?" "Wow, it seems so, I don't know either, that was probably my subconscious that reacted!" Matteo comes to my bed, embarrassed. He asks shyly how I am and tells me that he was very worried about me. He would be a little afraid of how he should behave towards me now. "You know, you have been like a mother to me in the last few months and I've entrusted you with things that even my parents don't know and then suddenly you can no longer contact me recall." I understand him, it must be terrible for him. I ask him to tell me everything we have experienced together.

When he finally tells with hands and feet how he accompanied me to the hospital in labor and how awkward it was due to my body volume, Matilda and I are both laughing in tears. I didn't notice Colin leaning against the door frame, smiling and watching us with his arms crossed. He's shaved, is wearing a white shirt and a vest over it, and his sleeves are rolled up. I have to admit that he looks even better than he does on TV. And as far as I can tell, he seems really fine, even though I'm sure what happened between us must have been pretty violent. The children retreat to the cafetaria and Colin sits down by my bed. "I miss you. I know you can't understand that now, but the thought of losing you almost killed me. I was so scared. And then you wake up and can't remember us anymore. This pain is unspeakable. ""The doctors say that it may take a while for the memory to come back. I know this must be very bad for you, but believe me, it is a very strange feeling when you suddenly wake up with a Colin Firth sitting in front of you and tells you that he loves you and that he fathered a child with you. I guess that's what thousands of women around the world dream of. " "What about you? Do you dream about it?" "Colin ..." "Sure, you don't have to say anything, I love you, I've always done that. And I'll fight for you until you remember that you love me too!" Tears shimmer in his eyes as he gently takes my hand and presses a kiss in the palm of my hand.

"Colin, I'm so sorry .."

Colin is patient with me, he visits me regularly and spends a lot of time with me and little David. The little one is really a piece of gold, strangely enough, I immediately felt like a mother for him. I'm trying to find any similarities between him and me, but Colin's genes must have been very dominant except for my hair color. I don't know if we will ever find each other as a couple, but what I can definitely say is that this little boy is our pride and joy. "Why did we call him David?" "Because - you suggested the name - my father's name is David." I just look at Colin in silence, how could I forget? Tears well up in my eyes, I consider myself a bad person. "No my darling, please don't cry, we can handle it!" And for the first time Colin hugs me, well, he probably has done that before. But for the first time I am hugged by him. I notice how a nervous tingling sensation runs through me. While I may not remember loving him, I'm pretty sure now that I could love him one day.