Colin Firth - will he save me?

Livia

"Mum, Colin - quick, you have to see that!" My daughter is so excited that she can hardly be reassured. "They took a picture of you, smooching! How gross, can't you do that in the bedroom?" Colin laughs and takes the newspaper from her hand and sure enough: they caught us strolling around. The story is written really sweet: "As in a fairy tale - two of the most sought-after singles in Hollywood find their happiness together in London!" Of course, it doesn't take long for the news to spread among our friends and colleagues, our cell phones rarely stand still. Everyone wants to know from us how it happened and when exactly, the joy of our common happiness seems to be huge for everyone. I don't understand myself why I still doubt us. Although I feel very deeply that something is wrong.I try to suppress this feeling. Colin is really great to me. He practically carries me on his hands, touches me whenever possible. The only thing he has never said before is that he loves me let alone that he likes me. I don't try to ponder it all the time. I enjoy the precious moments we have together. The memory that this can all be over very quickly is still too fresh.

Colin is just starting the grill outside, lately he's been obsessed with serving us perfect ribs. His cell phone is on the kitchen table and is now vibrating for the third time in a row. It's not normal for me to look who's calling, but the thought that it is urgent makes me wince. What if something is wrong with his children? It vibrates again, "Colin! Your cell phone rings all the time, I think it's urgent." Since he probably doesn't hear me, I'll just take the cell phone outside for him. The moment I pick it up, a message pops up: "When are you coming back home?" - Livia.

For a moment I'm breathless. Livia !? What the hell does she want from him and why does she ask him when he'll be home again? Damn it, this is his home, here with me. I don't understand anything, it is difficult for me to have a clear thought. As if in a trance, I go out onto the terrace, Colin's cell phone in my hand. "Can you explain that to me?" "Well, that's a cell phone - my cell phone to be precise. You use it so that you can communicate with each other at any time, can sometimes be very practical - but sometimes a bit annoying." "Colin - what does Livia want from you? Are you together again?" "Why do you think that?" "Because she called you countless times, because she asked when you were coming HOME. Please tell me that this is not true, tell me that this is your home." "Listen, I know it won't be easy now. But Livia and I - we - we were a couple for so long. I can't just erase those years from my life. When she noticed that things were getting serious between us she suddenly started fighting for me and I don't know either. I felt flattered. " "Does that mean you still love her and forgive her?" "I don't know, I really don't know, I'm happy with you, but Livia .." "Colin, it was a simple question. Do you still love her?" I don't get an answer, he looks at me with his brown, friendly eyes that I love so much. This man who means everything to me, who makes my life complete again, leaves me for a woman who broke his heart, who cheated on him.

"I am so sorry." "Yes, me too. I think it would be better if you take your things now and disappear. I don't want to see you anymore. Never again, understand?" "Please let me explain to you .." "No. It's enough. Get out of here!" Colin stands up like a broken man, he looks at me sadly, I know that he would like to say something else but realizes that he would only make things worse. I can hardly hold back my tears, I don't want to give him the satisfaction that he broke my heart. He quickly packs up a few things and mumbles that he will ask Matteo to get the rest. When he puts his house key on the kitchen table, I know that I have lost him for good. I would like to scream that he should fight for us, but apparently he can't get away from me fast enough, to his Livia. Let him go and be happy with her.

When Colin leaves, I break down. I cry loudly, my throat constricts, my stomach contracts again and again, I can barely breathe, everything reminds me of him, images push into my head of how we made love, how we hug, the moment we have first seen eacht other, his smell. It can't be that none of this meant anything to him, how can he deceive me like that? The tears are burning hot on my cheeks, I feel sick, I get dizzy, I can barely make it to the toilet. I throw up again and again, I'm freezing, cold sweat runs down my forehead, my whole body is shaking. When I think it's getting better, I feel sick again and vomit again. At some point I fall asleep exhausted next to the toilet.

It would be a lie if I said the pain was getting less. I think of him every second. What is he doing right now, whether he lies happily in Livia's arms? Matilda was shocked when she found out about the breakup. She immediately called Matteo, the two of them packed the rest of Colin's things together. Matteo hardly spoke a word, I saw that he had to fight against the rising tears himself. Matilda later told me that Matteo hates it at home that he doesn't understand why his dad did this. His relationship with Livia is still tense, but now it also seems that he is no longer letting Colin get close to him. I can't stand to have him around yet. He reminds me too much of his father. He seems to understand me and doesn't hold it against me. He comes to visit us often, but the two children always immediately disappear into their rooms. I wouldn't be aware of what's going on around me anyway. I only live into the day, at some point I have another crying fit that is so violent that I always have to throw up at the end.

Nobody knows better than me that life has to go on. It doesn't help to mourn forever, especially not for something that you probably never really could have anyway. After a while, I decide to do sports again and go running. I notice how good the movement is for me - the movement that I have been doing recently has also consisted mainly of horizontal physical activity. Exhausted, I get into the shower and let the hot water run over my body. As I get out of the shower, I just hear my cell phone ringing, but I'm too late to answer. Five missed calls from Colin. Damn it, what does he want again? I told him to leave me alone. He's calling again. I push it away, to no avail, it will ring again soon. "Damn Firth! I told you to leave me alone!" "Matteo has disappeared!"