𝐁𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐖𝐄𝐃 (18+)

15 | attraction

"It is not the lack of love, but the the lack of friendship that makes an unhappy marriage."

Thandeka Ndaba (Nkabinde)

_____

I sighed in joy. I was in the backseat with Qophelo as one of the drivers Zweli sent drove us home. It felt like a dream. I kissed Qophelo and actually enjoyed it. I mean kissing someone isn't a big deal but if I enjoy it ,it's a big deal to me. It's so hard to enjoy something with someone you don't want to be with.

Something as having a conversation is hard. That's what I felt like with Zweli. Because we started off on a bad foot, it seemed like we drifted further apart, making me yearn for something more, even more, with Qophelo. What scared me was the situation it was becoming now. At first, when I thought of Qophelo and I, it was easy because it was a thought. Nothing was going to happen so there was no need to worry.

But now, because it's happened and has become my reality, it makes my stomach knot. I'm not supposed to feel like this but I wish I wasn't Princess so I could be free to date whoever and wherever. But my reality is I'm married, I'm a Princess-soon-to-be-Queen, and I'm attracted to a commoner, a servant.

It would've been better if Qophelo was from some wealthy family, maybe I wouldn't be scared of just showing up with him and introducing him to my family and it wouldn't be so much as a downgrade for my family's status. Because people talk and I know that my parents, especially my dad, cares more about reputation and status sometimes, more than anything.

I laid my head on his shoulder, feeling bold but needing to confirm to myself that this was real and not my mind playing tricks on me, again. The subtle action of him wrapping his arm around my waist proves me right, and makes hope bloom in my chest.

He wants me back.

Which means, I'd have to start cheating. I'd have to sneak around and have secret meetings with him. I'd be proving some of the rumours true. And if we were ever caught, it would be a disaster. It would seem like we've been having an affair.

"I can literally see the wheels turning in your head, Princess." Qophelo whispered in my ear and I laughed lightly.

"I can't help it. The situation is sinking in more now than in the hospital." I whispered back. "It seems surreal."

"I don't want to force you, Princess. I know that we both want this but I want us to soberly want this and enjoy it. Back out now." The fact that he gave me a choice made me want to have something with him more. It's the thrill that gets me fired too.

"I don't want to feel guilty. I wish this was a different circumstance. A different situation where I don't have to hide that I feel something towards you." I lifted my head up and looked at Qophelo. "I want this."

He gave me a huge smile and pecked my lips. I looked at the driver and he seemed oblivious enough. I grinned too, and returned the favour by pecking his lips too. I laid my head back on his shoulder, closing my eyes and drifting off to sleep.

. . .

I was in my room when I woke up. I assumed Qophelo carried me. I was alone so I figured it was one of those days where Zweli disappeared and came back late. It was so weird because we really weren't interested in each other. At all. I had high expectations for us on the wedding day, and even night when he became my first.