Anthology

[VEAN] and every excuse that i made up (tell you the truth i hate)

Random lyric meme on Tumblr prompt: “You know I say a lot of things when I’ve been drinking.” lean x vivien HUHUH PLS ATE LENG

Maraming nagtatanong kung ano ba talaga ang sinabi ni Lean kay Vivien before. I can't reveal it for now, pero here's a tiny ficlet about Lean's thought process after (or maybe before) that talk.

Kung hindi mo pa nababasa ang TSIB at TMEUAS, medyo spoiler 'to. This is an outtake from TMEUAS, okay? :)

Title from Ed Sheeran's Drunk.

**

Inaasar siya ni Andreau na manginginom na lecturer nung college. Despite their busy schedules (Anya and Andreau most of the time), nagagawan pa nila ng paraan na magkaroon ng weekly drinking sessions. Siya ang sunod na may pinakamataas na alcohol tolerance sa kanila, and Andreau being the first (no contest, actually).

Sobrang daldal ni Lean kapag lasing. From Sarte, Longfellow, Gandhi, at minsan umaabot pa sa Martial Law ang mga topic na pinagsasabi niya. Nagbibigay din siya ng unsolicited advices kay Roldan about sa (secret on and off) girlfriend nitong si Diane, na unfortunately hindi nito pinapakinggan. Mas may sense pa nga raw siya kapag lasing, sabi ni Anya. He couldn’t agree more.

Pero ngayong mag-isa siya sa California, wala na siyang audience. Wala na siyang masasabihan ng mga litanya niya.

His thoughts were only filled by one person ever since he arrived in California. Ilang beses niyang inisip ang mga paraan kung paano siya magpapaliwanag. Kung paano maipapaintindi ang epekto sa kanila ng mga desisyon niya dati nung tanga pa siya. Kung paano siya hihingi ng tawad.

Yes, he told her one of his (gazillion) reasons months ago, sa Skype pa. She understood, and they’ve reached a compromise. Imbis na period, ellipsis ang naging ending ng usapang ‘yon.

Ngayong lasing siya (Jack Daniels will always be his savior), doon niya sinabi lahat ng gusto niyang sabihin. He was crying, hurting, blaming himself for everything. Vivien doesn’t deserve to be in this position. All of this was his fault.

He reached his worst upon drinking the last drop of his poison.

Lean started to scream everything. How Vivien doesn’t deserve that half-truth he told her months ago. Kinwento niya sa apat na sulok ng kwarto niya ang pinagmulan ng lahat. Inungkat niya ulit ang mga bagay na halos dalawang taon din niyang kinalimutan. Masakit, pero hindi na niya kayang itago pa.

Tama nga si Anya. (Laging tama si Anya.)

Mas maayos nga ang thought process niya kapag lasing.

The truth rolled out of his mouth effortlessly, as if he’s been rehearsing this for a long time. (It’s so much better to hear the truth coming from him when he’s drunk.) Sinabi na niya lahat ng gusto niyang sabihin na para bang nasa tabi niya si Vivien. (At one point he conjured her sitting in front of her, drinking with him.) Mas gumaan ang pakiramdam niya. Finally, after years of hiding, ngayon lang niya natanggap ang katotohanan. Kailangan lang pala niyang malasing.

Then he remembered.

Vivien wasn’t even there to hear everything he’d said.