This Time, it's Forever

Chapter Thirty Eight

I'm usually an optimist, nothing can make me feel down. For me, my glass is always overflowing and not half-full nor half-empty. I always look forward to a brighter day, but this time it's different. It's different because I got beaten up.

The saying is true, some old wounds never truly heal, and bleed again at the slightest word. What he just told me was almost the same as what he said years ago. He inflicted me pain again but I am tougher this time, or maybe, I'm stupider now than I am before because I am willing to endure it. I am willing to hold on for as long as I can.

Dalawang araw ang lumipas magmula ng gabing nagkasagutan kami. Mas lalo siyang dumistansiya sa akin at mas lalong lumaki ang pader sa pagitan namin. It's like we're back to square one again and everything I worked for was put to trash.

Dahil sa nangyayari ay naaapektuhan na rin ang trabaho ko. Hindi ako makapag-focus at lahat ng shots ko ay sablay. Napagalitan na nga ako ni Kuya Linc dahil nasasayang ang oras at naiinip na ang mga kliyente namin.

"Try to focus your mind and relax your body." Si Trix habang nasa harapan ko.
We're doing a photoshoot here in Libis for a new brand of make-ups. "Gawin mo lang yung ginagawa mo palagi noon tuwing may shoot. Play with the camera. I need the right emotion here." Habang tinuturo ang lens ng camera.

Tumango lang ako at bahagyang ngumiti dahil kanina pa niya ako kinakausap para ayusin ang trabaho ko. Alam ko na frustrated na din siya kahit hindi niya sabihin sakin. Dapat kanina pa kami natapos pero dahil sa kagagawan ko ay inabot na namin kami ng ilang oras rito.

"I'm sorry." Sabi ko habang nagtitimpi lang na huwag sabunutan ang sarili.

"It's okay Niks. I know you can do this, I believe in you." Those words made me smile.

"Thank you." Sagot ko at ginalaw galaw pa ang katawan para kumalma ako at makakuha na siya ng maayos na shot.

We took several tries again when finally he got enough shots to wrap this up. I sighed coz I am disappointed with myself for giving the team a mediocre outcome. I know I shouldn't bring personal problems to work but I couldn't help it. I'm a mess right now.

"Are you alright? Is there something wrong? You wanna talk about it? I'm all ears." Sumod-sunod na tanong ni Trix sakin nang lapitan niya ako.

Nginitian ko siya sabay iling.

"I'm fine, wala lang ako sa mood." I tried to sound convincing. Tama na ang nakaabala ako sa oras ng lahat at hindi ko na kailangan pang i-broadcast ang problema naming mag-asawa.

"I know you, Nikki." He's not convinced at all. I should try harder. "Kahit wala ka sa mood, you can still manage to give us good results. Iba ngayon eh, at ganyan ka kapag may mabigat kang problema o kapag nag-aalala ka."

"Wala nga." Tumatawa pa ako para pangatawanan ang sinabi ko na ayos lang ako. "Wala lang talaga ako sa mood tapos puyat pa ako kaya ganito."

"Look, if you don't want to share your problems with anyone or you don't want to tell me what's on your mind right now, then let me console you. Let me accompany you. Pwede tayong manood ng sine o di kaya gumimik."
At napapitik pa siya nang may maalala.
"Why don't we try this new bar in Taguig?"

Hindi ako sumagot kaagad dahil tinitimbang ko pa kung tama ba na lumabas ako kasama siya. I know how Decks' feels towards Trix. Noon pa man ay hindi na sila magkasundo at palaging nagkakaroon ng tensyon sa pagitan nila. But I need this right now. I need to be with people who can make me feel good.