Saudade | Loubbie

Chapter Two

"Danny isn't talking to any of us here. We tried to, and I have brought her to the councilor, but she will not talk. Just this morning, her seatmate cried. Her classmates saw what happened and told me that Danny kicked her. She also marked her other classmate's uniform with a marker. I am very worried about her well-being. Danny was a great and a happy child, but now, I am afraid to say that she's being violent, Miss Miller. I am sorry."

Lou heaved a defeated sigh the moment she heard the sentiments of the teacher of her seven-year-old child. She looked at Danny who was comfortably silent, sitting on the chair beside her.

"This has been going on for a week, every single day. It's either Danny makes her classmates cry or she cries, and we really do not know the reasons. We advice you to talk to her. For now, we will excuse her from school." The teacher shared, her eyes looking apologetically at Danny.

"Thank you, ma'am. I do appreciate your concern and I am very sorry for the inconvenience. I will just reach out to the parents and will apologize for the behavior of my kid. I will talk to her at home and promise to never let this happen again." Lou spoke.

"No worries." The teacher replied, "Danny? You'll gonna go home with mommy for today, okay?"

Danny shot her teacher a look before she looked away and the behavior was caught by Lou. That was something she couldn't tolerate. She had sacrificed for her daughter a lot and she didn't want her to grow up mad at the world and the people. She had gone through that part and she didn't want that to happen to Danny.

"Danny, I saw that. You say sorry to your teacher."

"I won't."

"Danny Miller-Ocean, I am tellin--"

"Fine! I'm sorry." Danny stood up from her seat, eyes gazing angrily to the two adults in front of her, before she turned to Lou, "I've said my sorry. Happy?"

Lou sighed. The teacher nodded sympathetically at her. Part of her was thankful that the teacher understood the whole dilemma, but a big part of her still couldn't fathom as to why Danny had to go through it. The teacher gave her a smile as they stood up from their seats. Lou silently shook hands with the teacher before she held Danny, walking her out of the office. When they got out, Danny withdrew her hand away from her mom and trudged heavily towards their car on the parking space. Lou was silent. Her heart sunk at the thought of Danny's behavior. Danny opened the passenger seat, slamming the door as she went inside.

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"Danny, what was that? What was that all about?" Lou asked as they arrived home.

Danny shot her a look before the kid threw her bag on the floor. Danny was about to run upstairs, in attempts of escaping from her mother's wrath when Lou's voice raised and it made the kid flinch.

"Don't you dare run away from me, young lady!" Danny turned at her, eyes already swelling with tears, "When I say we will talk, we will talk. I am tired of you being so stubborn and hard-headed. I am so tired of you!"

Lou stopped upon seeing the look on the face of her kid. They fell into a huge silence and she then felt that the house was shattering into pieces under her feet. She felt her knees weakening that she had to slowly sat on the couch.

"Then give me to mommy." Danny's little voice was heard, "I want to be with mommy Debbie."

"She's gone."

Danny shook her head. Her tears streaming freely down her face as she stood at the foot of the stairs. Her little hands clasped together and her eyes were staring back at her mom, red and weary.

"No! She's not!"

Lou wiped her tears before she brushed her fingers on her hair exasperatedly. The scene of Danny crying in front of her was crumpling her heart, breaking it into a million pieces, but she couldn't do anything about it. She never wanted it to happen. She stood on the couch, walked towards Danny before she knelt in front of her, holding her little hands on the process.

"Baby, I am sorry I yelled at you earlier. Mommy is sorry." She brought her hand on Danny's face and wiped her tears, "But you have to understand. I need you to understand me."

"But you also have to understand, mom. I feel incomplete." Danny sniffed, her lips quivering as she tried to stop her tears, "I understand our family is different. I don't have a dad, but I have two moms. I get that. What I don't understand is that now I have one. My classmates? They have a mom and a dad, but I don't care. I want two moms. I want mommy Deb back." And with that, Danny's tears fell again.

"She left years ago, Dan. And you know that so you gotta understan--"

"And that's all because of you!"

Lou's mouth hung open as she watched Danny ran upstairs. Danny went inside her room, immediately locking it as she got inside. Lou chased her, but when she got upstairs, Danny's door was locked. She could hear Danny crying and screaming her lungs out. She could hear things crashing from the inside. Lou pushed the door - harder and harder in each attempt, but it was indeed locked. To her dismay, she sat down on the marble floor, her back pasted against the door as she continued to listen to Danny's crying.

"I hate you, mom! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!"

She closed her eyes as she heard those words along with a loud bang on the wall. She was sure that it was the sound of Danny's vase crashing. She bit her lip as she cried silently. Her child was hurting, but she was hurting too. Love was a fucked-up joke made by English bards and she hated herself for believing to such a thing. She's broken, helpless and ruined, and she's afraid - so afraid for Danny to feel the things she had been feeling. Swear to gods, she did her very best to keep their marriage alive. She was the one who kept adding embers to flame and flame to fire, but Debbie had her own ocean to clean it all, wiped it down to smoky ashes 'til all became dust, waiting to be forgotten. But no, it was hard to forget. It was hard to forget an unforgettable thing, like how hard it was to hold a hand you could never really hold. Hard when a soul you'd never really know was at your merciful nobility. She had tried to trek a million miles, still she couldn't get any closer to her. Hard to admit, but in almost of always, Debbie only saw her in afters.

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