Saudade | Loubbie

Chapter Five

And how did one make a heart forget you when the other individual across the room was the sole reason why it's beating? Lou knew she would be damned again. It was no secret that Deborah Ocean's existence was a hand-print on her heart. It was like a sword making it's ruthless way inside her - cutting veins, drawing blood; but even if how devastating the outcome would be, worry not for even if she run out of flesh and her bones will be crushed in dusts, the blonde was still willing to be hurt .

Lou had cried enough and did let her tears wash her own ocean blue eyes. All the gentle sighs she hid and the marks she have written on her own skin - lines of lonely romance and scratches of despair on her wrists were all because of Debbie - the woman who was in the kitchen, with her own apron hanging on her body.

She - of all people was known to be the stunner and the dauntless one. She knew how to spike off a  conversation, she had mastered the arts of staying cool, but with Debbie manning the kitchen, Lou who was wearing Debbie's nightgown was glued on her spot, tongue lost and her heart beating at its fullest extent. She noticed how Debbie's look remained the same - the casual slacks and blouse tucked just right, and her brunette waves still hanging freely by her shoulders. She didn't know how long she was standing there, but she was taken aback when Danny ran to her and hugged her by her waist.

"I'm sorry, mom." Danny spoke, her little arms hugging Lou's waist, her face looking up at her, "Your feet..."

Lou's eyes remained shock. And then it happened, Debbie's eyes met hers. Two ex-lovers, standing across the room, yet after two years of lost touch and broken vows, it all seemed as if their eyes still spoke the same language. It was Lou who broke their eye contact. She then gave Danny a smile, before she knelt in front of her little kid.

"Oh baby,.." She dreamily sighed, studying Danny's features, "This is not your fault and you don't have to apologize." She smiled, cupping Danny's face, "Not your fault, honey."

Danny smiled and it made Lou tear up a bit when Danny threw herself to her. Little arms securing her neck and a little I love you, mommy was whispered on her right ear.

"I love you more, baby." Lou held Danny's hand, "Now, what are we having here?" She prompted as the two approached Debbie back in the kitchen.

"Mommy Debbie is cooking your breakfast, mom."

"Oh..." Lou stared at Debbie for a single beat before she looked at Danny, "You are done eating?"

"Yes, mom."

Debbie smiled a bit. She then took off the apron, putting it on the counter as she came face to face with Lou. Danny was oblivious of the tension between her parents and if Debbie was to be honest, she just wanted to shout and beg all the gods to swallow her alive. She didn't know how to approach Lou and how to begin a conversation without her voice stammering like a little rat.

"I called Tammy last night." Debbie started, "You were asleep when I arrived. It was Danny who opened the gate and Danny also told me about your fee---"

"So... you're back?" Lou walked past her, opening her fridge and got a bottle of water, "How was London?" She asked in front of Debbie, drinking the bottle casually.

"It was nice."

Lou shrugged, putting the bottle back into the fridge. Debbie just stood there, on the very same spot where she had been standing earlier. She silently watched as Lou looked into the pancakes she cooked. Her heart leaped when Lou picked up a fork, took a piece on her mouth before she looked at Debbie again, a small smile displayed on her lips.

"How was the pancake?"

"Awful." Lou answered, "Just kidding." She laughed and walked towards the brunette, "Why did you come back?"

"Because I wanted to."

Lou's face turned serious as she glanced at Danny who was sitting on the couch in the living room. Danny looked too serious and she knew that the child was trying to eavesdrop on their conversation.

"Look Deb, it's hard. But don't get me wrong, it's been two years since our divorce. You left for London a year ago and if there's one thing who is very affected with all of this, it's Danny. I don't have hard feelings towards you, but if you wish to be involved with Danny again, you make sure you gotta do it and make sure to never leave her again, because I have been with her when you left, she suffered so much and I do not want my child --"

"Our child." Debbie corrected her, eyes digging into the blonde in all seriousness.

"I don't want Danny to be hurt again." Lou bit her lip, heaving a deep sigh as she continued to speak, "I guess Tammy told you about what we are going through. My relationship with Danny is not that good, but I am trying my best. And now that you are back, I do not want you to ruin it. Earlier, it was the very first time Danny said sorry to me since you left. She's devastated, Debbie."

"Danny told me about your feet and I told her to apologize to you."

Lou paused, eyes blinking along with her mouth silently opening - lost for words. She nodded before she gave a genuine smile to Debbie.

"You look great." Lou jested, eyes smiling at Debbie in a sterling manner.

Debbie smiled. The gleam on Lou's eyes and the little smile she gave her educed hope. She knew that the smile Lou gave was genuine and she felt a gush of relief. She expected Lou to be mad at her; she had braced herself to be dragged out of the house with a slap on her face or two, but Lou didn't do it. Instead, she smiled and for Debbie, it was more than enough to say that mayhap, she could have her way back to her again.

Debbie pursed her lips as she crossed her arms on her chest, "You look fab. You look sexy in that nightgown too."

Lou laughed, "This?" She touched the strap of the gown, "Got it from my ex-wife." And she winked.

"I bet your ex-wife looks good in that too."

Lou stared at her, pausing midway as if contemplating what to say, "You look great in everything, Deb." She spoke softly, eyes lingering on the brunette who was staring back at her with a smile.

Debbie's features softened. She wanted to open her mouth and say all the things she wanted to say, but she felt unprivileged. She wanted to kick herself for just staring at Lou like a mere child, lost and scared. Debbie was about to counterback with a compliment, but Lou was quick to speak again.

"So what's the plan?"

Debbie looked at the marbled-countertop. What was really the plan?

"I don't know. I just want to spend time with Danny."

Lou nodded.

"Dan, come here." Lou ordered and they both watched their child as Danny walked towards the both of them on the kitchen, "Dan, mommy Debbie wants to be with you. You love that, right?" Danny nodded at Lou, "Good. Now, let's get you ready. Mommy Debbie will bathe you and I will pack a bag for you. You will go home to mommy Debbie's house." Lou looked back at Debbie, "Is that plan okay for you?"

Debbie was stunned. Her heart silently protesting, because yes - she wanted to be with Danny, but no - she didn't want to spend the time with Danny on her own house alone; she wanted to spend it all with Lou. Maybe, Lou didn't want a reconnection. So with Lou in front of her, the blonde's darling smile pasted on her lips, Debbie's heart slowly withered to the fact that maybe, just maybe, Lou didn't want to be with her anymore. After all, she cracked Lou's door opened, leaving it ruined; she left. She was the one who walked a thousand miles away, despite the very fact that Lou begged her not to.  Debbie was supposed to be Lou's sunshine, to be the soundtrack of her summer, but what she became was the opposite; she became the cruel storm, that unexpected  winter that made Lou's heart dry.

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