Saudade | Loubbie

Chapter Eleven

Debbie frustratedly ran her hands on her face. She couldn't sleep with the fact of not knowing what the blonde told her, plus the couch that she was lying on was not that big and she wasn't comfortable. The night was about to end and the clock was about to tick to 1 in the morning, but still she couldn't sleep. She opened her phone, silently hoping for Tammy to answer her text.

To: Tim Tam

Hey, Tammy! Do you know what mahal kota means? I don't know if  I got that right, but it did sound like that. I wanna search it up, but I don't know what's the exact word. Lou told me  mahal kota or whatever that phrase is.

She turned her phone off. Tammy was offline and obviously, her message couldn't be answered yet. She wondered what that phrase meant. If only she was courageous enough, she would jump off the couch and she would knock on Lou's door, but she wasn't. Their talk about Julia still left her bleeding and the burden of not knowing what Lou told her added all up. She wanted to sleep and to forget the night, but fate wasn't giving it to  her.  But she couldn't blame Lou nor Julia. Everything was her fault and she was owning it. But what really did push her to end everything? Was it because of how busy Lou was with her bar? Was it because she was jealous? Was it because of Claude?  Three years - she wasted three years of having a life with her family. But a part of her wanted to believe that it wasn't wholly her fault, Lou had her share too.

Debbie wasn't up for motherhood, but Lou wanted it. If Lou would give her the stars, she could give her the moon too and she did - she did agree to have a child. Lou pushed up with the pregnancy and when Danny came to earth, she could feel that they were in bliss. Her heart melted the very first time she saw Danny cradled in Lou's chest at the hospital. And she cried when Danny held her finger with her whole little hand. She knew that Danny would add happiness to their lives and she wasn't mistaken. But it wasn't that long when Lou came back to the bar just months after she gave birth and Debbie was the one who had to spend sleepless nights taking good care of their two-month old baby. The blonde was too in love with her bar and Debbie didn't say anything because she loved Lou so much. She loved her so much that she was willing to stop playing games; her life wasn't meant for changing diapers, mixing milk and cleaning bottles. For Pete's sake, she was meant for blueprints, lines, codes; her life was conning, but for her family, for Lou, she stopped. It felt fine at the beginning though, but the more months she had spent in their home, shushing little Danny to sleep, while Lou was there at the bar, she bursted.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! Pick up the goddamn phone!" Debbie muttered as she waited for Lou to pick up her call.

It was two in the morning and their two-month old baby wouldn't sleep. Debbie tried everything, but there was no use. And then when she held Danny up to her chest, Danny was very hot. She had a fever. Appositely, Debbie tried to pacify the infant, but Danny's cries were becoming too much. When Lou didn't pick up, Debbie ended the call. With her heart beating abnormally, she put down Danny on the bed and she got the thermometer.

"Hush baby, hush. Mommy is here." She mumbled as she placed the thermometer in between Danny's armpit.

Debbie was so nervous. It was her first time and she didn't have enough knowledge about what to do. She sighed as the thermometer beeped and when she looked at it, Danny was boiling at 39 degree celsius.

"Oh my goodness, baby..." She spoke as she undressed Danny out of her clothing, "Mommy will give you a spongebath. I'll be right back."

She ran towards the kitchen, leaving Danny crying on the bed. Her hands were literally shaking as she held the towel. She wanted to cry for she was too nervous about Danny. Debbie didn't take too much time and when all was ready, she ran back to the bedroom. Her heart sighed out of relief when Danny hushed.