Saudade | Loubbie

Chapter Twenty Eight

Five years and a lot has changed. Debbie Ocean wasn't the same anymore. Gone were the days of con; gone were the memories of thrill and the memories of who she really was. The skin that she wore for too long had been buried, down into the grave of dead stars and forgotten poets.  Who would have thought that in five years, she would be here? The hope that she held back then was gone; all was a part of the history that she so badly wanted to forget.

She changed her hair. The mahogany waves were chopped off. She changed her surname too. Deborah Ocean-Reeves. A lawyer and a business woman. Married to Keanu Reeves, the CEO of Bravity, a techno company that stretched around the globe. Debbie wasn't plotting plans anymore, she was attending business meetings; and every morning, far from the life she had with Lou, she was cooking breakfasts, cooked for her husband, fixed his tie and kissed him off to work. Debbie was becoming the woman she didn't want to be, she came to learn how to love the whole idea of it though. Living in a modern manor, with a lot of maids, Debbie was the face of the trophy wives.

"Hey..."

The brunette looked back as she heard the room door opened. With a glass of champagne on her hand, she gave him a smile before putting it down and walking to her husband.

"Hi, baby." She replied, circling her arms around his neck as Keanu caught her waist.

"I have a favor to ask." Keanu replied, dropping a kiss to the side of her neck before he looked at her again.

"You just came back from Thailand. Don't tell me you have another business trip again?" She asked, perfecting the famous frown of wives who missed their husbands.

"No, no, I don't." He smiled, "But it's about a business meeting."

And that's what her life was all about. Business meetings. Business trips. Debbie rolled her eyes, giving off a sigh as she pushed Keanu off of her. The man sighed, he knew that Debbie was tired, exhausted even. But that was their life, and Debbie knew it. He watched as the brunette walked to their bed and sat on it with a face of exhaustion.

"Can we just enjoy and take a leave?" The brunette asked, "This is tiring."

"Love, I know." Keanu walked towards her on the foot of the bed before he knelt and cupped her hands, "And I am sorry. I am sorry for all the business trips and the meetings, but you know that my parents are counting on me, on us." He went on, kissing her hands delicately, wishing for Debbie to agree, "I have another meeting today and I need you to go to this business meeting with an investor, please."

"You can send your assistant."

"Love, he's not you. I want this deal and you, I know you can close this. For me, please?"

"Fine." Debbie answered, making her husband smile in glee, "But promise me we will have a vacation next week."

"I promise." Keanu jested, sitting up on the bed before he scopped Debbie to sit on his lap, "Thank you. Thank you so much." He added before kissing Debbie's neck.

"I love you, you know."

Keanu, still so in love and in awe of his wife, smiled, "And I am the luckiest man on earth to be married to the brilliant woman that you are and not to add the fact that the woman that you are is a badass lawyer."

Debbie looked at him sweetly before she opened her mouth to speak, "Make love to me." She whispered out of the blue.

And who would decline a woman's plea? Keanu claimed her lips. Debbie Ocean before would surely puke in disgust for kissing a man, but the Debbie Ocean now loved it.

-----

The autumn leaves covered the cobblestones and the moss started to grow on the walls, Debbie noticed. She pulled over, grabbed the bouquet of tulips before she went out of the car. The environment was quite - too peaceful for her liking. There were birds dancing and singing up in the air, but she swore, all she heard was the lullaby of yesterday. She sighed, when was the last time she went here? Her heels clunk against the pavement as she walked. The baggages inside her heart suddenly felt too heavy; all along, she thought she was over it, she thought that by killing her old self, she was able to get rid of all the baggages, but no. She walked and stopped as she reached the spot.

Danny Miller-Ocean
August 22, 2018 - October 21, 2026

There were leaves around the grave, but the gravestone was well-kept. There were lots of bouquets too, too many to even count with her hands. Did Lou come here always? With a sigh, and a promise that she would never cry, she stood there. If there was a pain too unbearable, for Debbie, it was the pain of burying your own child. She was fighting the urge not to sob, but her knees were gradually shaking and her heart was just too stubborn to even listen to her pleas. With a strangled breath, Debbie sobbed. She slowly sat on the grave, placed the fresh bouquet on top of Danny's name and quietly, she cried.

"Danny, baby. Mommy's here." Debbie spoke, choking on her words as her tears continued to fall, "I am sorry I didn't come here too often." She added, her fingers tracing the marble carving of Danny's name, "I missed you. I missed you so badly."

The remnants of what happened were still inked against her skin - still so deep that she couldn't forget no matter how hard she tried. The angelic face of Danny as they lowered her to the ground was replaying. If only she could offer her life to her kid, Debbie would defnitely do it, sadly, she couldn't.

"How are you, love?" Debbie asked as she wiped her tears, trying to extract a smile as she looked at Danny's name, as if Danny was in front, "You know mommy dreamt about you yesterday. You look big already,.." She added, her lower lip starting to quiver again, "...and you look very beautiful with snowflakes on your lashes and eyebrows. Do you miss, mommy? I'm sorry I didn't visit these past few years. It's just that..." Debbie shook her head, her tears kept on coming despite the fact that she wanted it to stop, "...it's hard, love. So hard. I am forcing myself to think that I am just away, that somewhere you are alive with Lou. I don't want to think you are down here. I'm sorry. I really am sorry for I wasn't able to save you. I am sorry, love. Mommy is really, really sorry."

"Mommy, I love you."

"Do you think angels are real, mommy?"

"Why are you so pretty, mommy?"

"Mommy, I missed mom."

"Mommy, do you think mom will visit us here in your house?"

"Tell me another story when mom was pregnant with me."

"What was your wedding like?"

"Mommy, look! Gotcha! I like your smile."

"Mommy? Did mom tell you how beautiful your eyes are?"

Debbie was still sobbing hardly when out of a sudden it rained. If it was a movie, it would rain hard and she would be soaking under the rain. If it was a movie, someone would come to her rescue. If it was a movie, Debbie would look up and she would see Lou, with an umbrella on hand and with hope in her eyes. But no, it was not a movie and so Debbie sobbed, agony eating her up under the rain. But what the brunette didn't know was a few meters away from her was a car, and there inside was Lou, too afraid to even come out to meet her.

***