Saudade | Loubbie

Chapter Thirty Eight

Silly, wild, wild heart. The brunette held her breath, too scared that her ounce of air would shake the peace embedded on Lou's face. She's pretty, too pretty for this universe, she thought. There was something so endearing and beautiful as she took the image of Lou sleeping. Pink, like the skies, soft as the petals of roses were the lips of Lou. Her pointed nose. Her strawberry cheeks. And her stubborn bangs dancing above the lashes of her deity-like cerulean eyes. Debbie gave up from asking herself how did she got there - admiring her ex-wife who was sleeping. The skies were no longer pink when she woke up, instead it was black, and few gleaming stars could already be seen. She knew she should be rushing back to her room, where her husband was probably waiting for her, but no, Blaire was too cute as she slept and Lou was too beautiful not to be watched as she slept too.

The longer she stared at Lou, more memories came rushing back to her, and goddamn it - all she wanted to do was to lean on the blonde and steal a kiss. Debbie breathed as she took a swipe on the memories. Those forenoon whispers. Those secret glances across the dining room. Those promises. Lou telling Danny a story. Lou kissing her softly. Lou and her in the bathroom dropping the soap again. Their kisses in the shower. The blonde stealing a kiss from her while her hand stole a piece of focaccia dipped in marinara. Debbie remembered those vodka-spilled nights. Them, making love. Them, making the most out of everything. Damn it, Ocean. You were such a big, big fool.

"My mom is beautiful, isn't she?"

The brunette was taken aback when she heard Blaire softly whispering on her side. Good lord, Blaire was really cute as she looked at Debbie.

"Can I sit on your lap, Ocean?" Blaire asked again as she opened her little arms.

"Of course." A smile and a silent wish to be Blaire's other mom, "And yes, she's beautiful Blaire. Beautiful like you." She added absentmindedly.

Blaire happily and peacefully settled on Debbie's lap, with the both of them looking at Lou on the bed, silently admiring the beauty sleeping. Few seconds passed, Blaire looked up at Debbie, her blue eyes igniting, gleaming and shining - as if she was seeking for the truth.

"Do you love my mommy, Ocean?" She asked innocently before she changed her position to facing Debbie, "You love her, don't you?"

And how would you explain a masked truth to a child? Debbie felt the burning of her feet, a knife on her throat: yes, Blaire, I do - those were the words that died on her tongue. With a smile, Debbie got up from sitting on the bed, Blaire clinging to her and trapped between her arms as Debbie walked towards the glass wall of the room, in front was the cyan blue sea and the starry skies.

"Why are you so quiet?" Blaire asked again, her hand coming to touch Debbie's lower lip as she sweetly buried her head on the brunette's neck, "Mommy says you are such a good talker."

The brunette laughed, "She did?"

Blaire nodded before she looked at Debbie again, "You're a princess, but aren't you really allowed to marry a girl too? Why can't you marry my mommy?"

The innocence embedded in Blaire's eyes was something Debbie cannot kill. She wanted to tell her the truth; I am no princess, Blaire. I am a villain; a witch, a killer - I killed your mom, stabbed her to death and yes, I do love her. I still do. Instead, Debbie sighed, absolutely confused on what to answer to the kid. Instead, Debbie sat on the sofa overlooking the sea and she put Blaire on her lap, their faces meeting as she gathered her flickering strength to give the kid an answer.

"I cannot marry your mommy because I am married." Debbie answered, it was not a lie at least.

"But you love her, don't you?"