Saudade | Loubbie

Chapter Sixty

A few stolen moments is all that we share
You've got your family and they need you there
Though I've tried to resist being last on your list
But no other man's gonna do
So I'm saving all my love for you
It's not very easy living all alone
My friends try and tell me find a man of my own
But each time I try, I just break down and cry
'Cause I'd rather be home feeling blue

Debbie got out of bed and grabbed her phone off the nightstand before choosing to switch off Spotify. The song was doing her absolutely no good, and she was sick to her stomach. Given the course of events, she  felt extremely exhausted and broken. Of course, she had been crying. She drove home wearing the  black lingerie crying and from the moment she arrived home, her crying hadn't stopped. The brunette knew that it was close to six in the morning already, but still, sleep was not knocking her off yet. Her whole room was dark, but she could see the bluish skies on the outside from the minimal spaces of her wall drapes. She could hear people's lives just starting - someone restarting their car, someone shouting for children to wake up, dogs were barking already, but in the midst of all those noises, she still felt alone; as if she was the only person in the universe.

On her bed, at exactly six in the morning, the brunette sobbed even harder than she did. And it's indeed hard to feel alive when things were constantly dying inside you. Her heart was a mural of all the things she wanted, but never had and in  her heart, Lou Miller took the biggest space. There were days and nights when Debbie had it all kept together - when she had it all secured, when she had it all kept into a grasp; there were moments when all her chaos was shoved into the deepest crevice of her soul, but there were also days when she would lose it all - nights, days and moments when her tears just would not stop, as if she was a  secret lover mourning and crying over the grave of someone she loved, but not legally hers. It was hard to mourn over someone who died, but it was even harder to mourn over someone who didn't.

"Fuck this fucking alarm." Debbie groaned, turning off her alarm clock that was starting to pester her ears as it beeped at exactly seven in the morning, "I hate this fucking life." She added as she rolled on her bed, burying her face onto the pillow as she screamed.

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𝑻𝒘𝒐 𝒅𝒂𝒚𝒔 𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒓...

"Hey, sweetie! What's with that face?" Lou asked, a wide smile on her face as she went out of her car whilst walking towards Blaire who was sitting alone on the waiting bench of her school.

"I missed mommy."

"Awe, baby I'm here n--"

"Not you. I meant the other one, mom."

"Baby..." Lou sighed as she sat beside the kid on the bench, "...you know she is not your --"

"Not my real mom, but mommy,.." Blaire looked up to stare at her mom, "...I want her to. And I know that you want it too."

"No, you don't."