Saudade | Loubbie

Chapter Fifty Two

"So you're here now too?" Lou asked, fixing her cardigan as she hugged herself, the ache of something unnamed seeped through her as she stood there trying not to explode.

She didn't know why she was there. She knew she didn't need to be, but when the other woman on the line pleaded her for a talk, she just found herself going out - like a puppet,  a slave having no choice but to follow. When Lou got out of her house, it was not a shock that Debbie was there, leaning out of her car, waiting for her. Lou felt her heart stopped upon seeing Debbie - it was like she was brought back twenty years ago - the Debbie with those earthly-colored slacks and silky long sleeves, the Debbie with long wavy hair; the Debbie she first fell in love with. But too much had changed. She knew that that Debbie was gone. Long dead.

"Are you going to talk because if not I am going back inside." Lou spoke, so casual as if Debbie was a mere stranger.

Debbie sighed before she gradually looked at Lou in the eyes. Cerulean against mahogany orbs. The old version of Lou would have her knees melted, would have an extreme urge of kissing her under the moon, but Lou was different now. Instead, the blonde noticed a wrinkle on the side of Debbie's lips, still, Lou couldn't deny that she was too pretty for the universe.

"I've missed you too." Debbie suddenly uttered, her stare not backing down as she moved an inch forward, silently begging to get close to the blonde.

"Well, I do not."

"I've heard you on the phone."

Lou looked back to her main door before she looked at Debbie again, "Where the fuck did you get my number? And how, why. Fuck you. Why are you even here?"

"Answer to the first question, from Tammy. Answer to the second question?" She paused before she gathered all the strength to answer her, "...because again, I've missed you and Blaire."

Lou shook her head, giving the brunette a tsk before she looked down on the bermuda grass, "Don't use Blaire for fuck's sake."

"I'm not using her."

"Really?" Lou countered looking back at Debbie with rage, "Why are you teaching in her school? Are you following us? Stalking us? Also, you shouldn't miss me or her anymore. You're dead to me, Debbie."

Debbie paused. Her heart beating so wildly as her veins welcomed all the venom from Lou. She wanted to cry hearing Lou's last phrase: you're dead to me, Debbie -  but she anticipated it already and for Lou, she would take everything in. The brunette gulped as she felt her throat started forming lumps. Don't cry, Debbie. Don't cry. She held herself  from speaking as she knew that she would cry if she ever does so. Debbie was thankful Lou never added anything to it. For the time being, they both fell silent. Both of them didn't know how long they've been standing beside each other, with their backs leaning on the car, and them, not talking. But it was better that way since Lou was done and Debbie, despite wanting to go back to Lou, was not yet ready to dig up the past too. Still, Debbie knew she had to say sorry and that she had to tell Lou what happened.

Lou heaved a huge sigh as she now looked at Blaire's bicycle by the pots of flowers she had on the balcony. And she knew that Debbie would have been delighted to know that she's now tending plants, would be proud to know Lou learned how to plant like how she taught her so.  And that was why Lou  bought a couch so they could sit on the porch and admire the flowers. A couch Debbie wouldn't have the chance to sit on and flowers Debbie wouldn't be able to smell. 

"Did you plant those?"

It took Lou a few seconds before she faintly answered, "Yes."

And Debbie found herself muted. She had a million things to talk to her about. But right at that very moment, all she wanted to do was to hug Lou. Hug her tightly as if the world would end tomorrow. All she ever wanted was to crash her head against the blonde's chest, but it all felt too blurry the moment she saw her again. Debbie was adamant Lou had drifted away from her and had probably moved on, and her inkling was right when Lou, without a word, started walking right back to her door.

"Lou please..." Debbie pleaded as she walked, half-chased Lou, and she wanted so badly to hold her forearm to stop her, but Debbie felt like Lou would flinch and so she didn't, "...don't go back yet."

Lou stopped and turned back to her, "It's already one in the morning."

The brunette bit her lip as she sighed, "We have to talk."

"We have nothing to talk about anymore. All I ask you to do is do not stir Blaire's hope. She has high regards on you and I don't want my child getting hurt. I do not need any of your explanations Debbie. You can be a teacher in the school where my kid is studying. You can even live in this neighborhood if you want. I don't really care. Just don't hurt Blaire, in any way."

"I get it. But what about us?" And when Debbie asked that question, it was when she failed herself from crying and Lou didn't fail to notice Debbie's tears streaming down her cheeks,"I want us. Back."

"It's been five years, Debs. A lot has changed."

"A lot has changed, but my feelings did not."

Lou titled her head as she gave Debbie a weak smile, "Mine did." And with that, Lou started walking towards her door.

The younger Debbie would have cursed Lou, would have told her that she would be her greatest regret, but Debbie had learned enough. With a pang in her heart and a fire and eagerness in her skin, Debbie ran towards Lou and just before Lou could open her door and get in, Debbie had blocked herself against the door, eventually stopping the blonde from getting inside.

"You're lying." Debbie spoke with her tears spilling out of her, "You love me still, I know."

"Stop making a fool out of yourself. It's been five years. You and I have ended. If your husband dumped you, then I am not the shelter you can just stay again and toy with. I am done with you, Debbie."

"We have to talk. I have a lot of things to explain, to say. And I'm free now." Debbie bit her lower lip as she started to sob, "No husband. Single. And I love you still...so badly. Isn't that what you want? Baby, please, hear me out."

"Five years ago, Debs, I wanted everything with you. It's been five years now, and all I want is Blaire. I've moved on and I want nothing to do with you." Lou looked down as she slowly swoshed Debbie to the side so she could get into the door, "Goodnight." She added as she was about to walk in.

But before she could, Debbie spoke again, hoping that her last straw could make the blonde change her mind, "I tried to leave him. That night, I flew to California and asked for a divorce, but he didn't agree. Instead, Keanu asked for another five years. I had to stay with him for five years and be the wife that I was because if I won't, he would hunt you and Blaire down. I had to protect you both, Lou." She wiped her tears and was thankful when Lou turned around to look at her, "I protected you both and so I stayed for five years, but it's all over now. We are divorced. And I'm here..."

Lou coldly stared at her, "Here for what?"

"Here to beg you to take me back again. To love me back again." Debbie's lips quivered as she cried, "Another chance, Louise. Please...."

The blonde, with the coldest stare that she could give her, shook her head, "Thank you for protecting us, but you didn't have to. And no, Debbie. I've ran out of chances for you. Move on." And with that, Lou walked in and closed the door on Debbie's face, leaving the brunette sobbing and alone outside.

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