PALE GREEN STARS (RATCHET X OC)

GUILT

Chapter 21~ Guilt

The first night I spent alone in my new home. I dreamed of a hall of mirrors that reflected my friend's faces rather than my own. However no matter how much I tried to reach them their words drowned out my own. The glass separated them from my touch.

"You left us alone Roslyn." Kathryn cried

"No, I would never!"

" You're so selfish." Leah moaned.

"Please..."

"How could you?"  General Farron growled. 

"Stop it..."

I remember eventually waking up and beginning the endless calls to Leah until eventually passing out and waking up the next morning late for training...

I hadn't dreamed like that again until reuniting with Flynn. When we arrived back at the station, it's been nothing but sleepless dreams. Well the same dream to be precise, but in each one, I always had a separate role.

I was Flynn fighting the pirates, I was Kat running with Flynn through the forest trying to get away, I was one of the pirates shooting Kat in her shoulder, or I was the audience watching everything unfold. But it always ended when they surrendered.

It's safe to say I was definitely counting that as a blessing.

I really didn't want to dream of Flynn being sold to the goons who ran the black hole. No, I didn't want to imagine the torture he was put through. I didn't want to see him being torn away from the love of his life. In truth, I deserved this. Because of my selfishness, I caused so much pain for my two best friends.

So when I woke up this morning feeling worse than I have felt in a while I prayed to whoever could be listening that Flynn wasn't going to be in the Kitchen. In honesty, I hoped nobody was in the kitchen. I just wanted a quiet and giant coffee-filled morning before starting the day.

Before beginning again on so far a fruitless search of finding Kathryn.

Of course, the universe's sense of humor had to take a jab at me. Angela was there making the coffee.

"Please tell me that's a really strong pot of coffee," I say trying to sound funny, but it came across as more pathetic than anything. Angela still laughed a little which made me feel a bit better.

"Rough night?" She asked pouring me a cup.

"You could say that. I'm glad to see you up and about. Your wounds healing up okay?" I nodded in thanks before taking a sip.

"Kinda itches a little but I'm definitely better than when you guys saved me from that psychotic bucket of bolts."

I smiled at her before sipping my coffee again.

"By the way, I don't think I ever thanked you for saving me."

I looked at her finding the right words to say. Normally a simple You're Welcome is what I'd say, but I just couldn't bring myself to say it. Regardless if she had any info or not on Kat or Flynn I did want to help her. However, I also know in the back of my mind for a slight moment I only thought about how she could be the key to finding both of them.

"Maybe I really am selfish," I said not even realizing it.

"We all are." She said without even batting an eye. "And it's okay to be a little selfish from time to time, but that doesn't make you a bad person. Especially if it's for the safety of others. Like for example, you're missing friend, Kathryn."