𝘴𝘰 𝘧𝘢𝘳 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘺 » 𝘻𝘢𝘳𝘳𝘺 (𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘶𝘦𝘥)

seventy six

harry dressed himself after he exits the shower. he finally made it home after that long flight. he wanted to head straight over to zain's place afterwards but he decided to go home and take a shower first. harry felt dirty after stepping off that stuffy plane. now that he's feeling fresh and clean, he can head over to his boyfriend's house and see him again. it's been only three days, and they'd facetimed a couple times in between, but he still missed him and nothing was better than having him close and being able to hold him.

he also missed his hometown, so it was nice going back there for a while. there was a time where he actually felt safe being there, he was able to relax and live out a peaceful life with just he and his dad. those were the days where harry was too naive and sheltered to understand how truly evil some people in the world could be. but now that he's had a taste of the real world, he had been living his life in fear and untrusting of everyone around him, feeling as if he was being watched and hunted down.

he never truly got over that fear, but he'd been able to come back out of his shell and feel safe again. thanks to zain, who showed him so much kindness and appreciation. he made him feel good about himself, made him feel safe. but most of all, zain made him happy. harry didn't know that just one person could turn his entire life around and make it worth living again. but zain did just that, saving harry from all of those dark thoughts, the dread within him that never seemed to go away even as he slept at night.

he fell for zain hard, he was the light of harry's life. he loves him with his whole heart, it's almost unbareable to be without him sometimes. harry wanted nothing more than to snuggle up to him and never let him go again. he smiled to himself as he finished getting ready to head over to zain's house.

harry grabs his bag and his keys before heading out of the apartment. he'd texted zain a bit earlier after he arrived back home safely, but he hadn't heard back from him yet—assuming that he'd fallen asleep or something, harry didn't think too much about it. he knew how much his boyfriend liked to sleep thinking back on all the naps they took together snuggled up with one another on the bed.

it'd taken him about ten minutes to get to zain's place, but eventually he arrived. harry clutches the bag in his hands, for some reason feeling nervous of seeing him. he didn't know why, it had only been three days since he was gone but the butterflies in his stomach made him feel like it was three years. harry sighs softly, shaking his head. he brings his hand up and gently knocks on the door, waiting for zain to answer.

normally, zain answered the door pretty quickly, but for some reason it took a while this time. harry nearly went to knock again when he thought zain wouldn't come, thinking maybe he was sleeping and didn't hear him. but, he didn't have to though because the door finally started to open and zain came into view. harry smiles brightly, about to greet him but his smile dropped a bit when he saw zain's face.

he looked extremely tired, and distressed. his his was messy (which wasn't really completely unusual since he was off work and had been home all day), and his eyes slightly red and raw like he'd just woken up. harry frowns deeply, realizing how upset and stressed zain appeared, wondering what was wrong with him.

"zen.." harry says trailing off. zain pushes a hand through his hair, stepping closer to harry.

"you're here, hey baby." zain greets, moving in to give harry a one armed hug and a kiss against his temple, before stepping aside to let him walk enter. harry swallows, walking into the house and turning back to face zain again as he shuts the door behind them. zain huffs deeply, before giving harry a smile—and though it was genuine, it also seemed forced. harry's frown deepens. "i missed you." zain says.

his voice sounds very hoarse and he sounds far less enthusiastic as he normally sounds. harry just knows something is wrong.

"i've missed you too... z, is everything okay?" harry asks, looking at him with concern filled eyes. zain exhales, closing his eyes briefly, before shaking his head, not wanting to lie to his boyfriend. there was no need in keeping anything from him. zain moves closer to him, gently grabbing his hand and leading him to the couch where they sit down closely beside one another. harry keeps his worried gaze on zain as he watches the stressed raven rub his hand over his face, trying to gather his thoughts.

"i'm not okay." zain admits, looking down at his hands as he drops them from his face finally. harry slips one of his hands into zain's, threading their fingers together.

"what's wrong?" harry asks softly. zain breaths out shakily, before looking up and meeting harry's eyes finally.

"i got a visit from my former drug dealer," zain starts. harry's eyes widen in horror, squeezing his hand tighter, all sorts of scenarios popping into his head.

"z...you didn't..tell me you didn't.." harry trails off. zain blows out a breath to calm himself.

"i didn't, he offered, but i didn't." zain says. harry breaths out in relief, giving his hand another squeeze.

"that's good z, you did good." harry tries to reassure him, but zain shakes his head, bouncing his leg anxiously.

"but i wanted to,"

"z..."

"i really fucking wanted to, and i feel like shit. i've worked so hard, i've made it this far, and at the mere sight of it, i almost caved and destroyed everything i've worked for." zain says frustratedly, balling his hands into fists and pressing his face against them. harry looks at him sadly, feeling terrible at what his boyfriend was going through.

"z, don't feel bad. don't you see? you've done nothing wrong. it was only natural for you to want to do it, but what matters is that you didn't. you resisted, and you stood your ground. that's what's important." harry tries to assure him that he'd done nothing wrong. zain pulls his hands away from his face and looks into harry's eyes again, his golden eyes starting to gloss over. harry's heart sinks.

"but what if i hadn't, h? what if i had given in and done it? what if you had come here to me being fucked up and high off my ass? harry, i don't ever want you to see me like that, ever. i don't want to relapse, i can't relapse. i don't wanna go back to that dark place, i don't want to relive that again. i can't, i just can't." zain says, beginning to break down, tears escaping from his eyes and rolling down his cheeks. harry's heart completely breaks seeing him like that. he'd never once seen zain cry before, so he knew just how bad the raven is feeling being brought to tears. he can't begin to explain how much it hurts to see zain in this state. "i don't want to.." his voice cracks.

harry moves closer to him, throwing his arms around him, pulling him into a tight warm embrace, threading his fingers through his hair. zain's face settles into the crook of harry's neck, wetness can be felt against his skin from zain's tears but he doesn't care, he just wants to be here for zain and comfort him and give him the support he needs. he gently massages his fingers against the raven's scalp.

"it's going to be okay z baby. you won't ever go back, i'll be here for you, i won't let you fall," harry tells him. zain wraps his arms around harry's wraps, holding him tightly as he keeps his face buried into his curly haired boyfriend's neck. harry's rests his cheek against the top of zain's head. "i won't ever let you fall again."

the two of them stay like that for a while, embracing one another tightly as if one of them would disappear. eventually, zain falls asleep and harry lets him sleep peacully with his head nestled against his lap.

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an update! i hope you guys enjoy! tell me what you think 💜