Addiction

18

If they say to kill yourself, then you will try it.
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"Jeongin pls help me~ what kind of flowers does Hyunjin like? Wait...no..what kind of chocolate does he like? Or maybe his into more healthy stuff...or maybe-".

"He can't take of flowers but he likes chocolate...any milk chocolate should be good enough" Jeongin interrupted Seungmin who was currently trying on multiple pieces of clothing, over and over again to form an outfit.

The arguement between him and Chan happened around 3 weeks ago. Jeongin stayed home away from most people, and only communicated with Hyunjin and Seungmin.

He almost completely isolated himself from everyone, afraid he'd walk into Chan. He just couldn't bare to hear, see, or even communicate with the older after what happened.

Guilt was one of the reasons why. He felt overly guilty about what he had said. He regretted calling Chan a fling. He never meant to say that, and regretted it to the finest. And he knew the older felt used, he knew the older felt hurt, and it was all his fault.

All he wanted was to be in the older's embrace, he missed the older's scent and he missed inhaling his cologne while laying on his chest. He missed him.

If he had never acted like a 5 year old to start with, he'd be laying on his chest right now, enjoying inhaling his cologne. But Jeongin was told to stay away from him, his work and apartment.

And he knew he'd better get his shit together. He was turning 18 in 3 days, then graduating after finishing his exams.

The worse was...people already started preparing for valentines day. And of course Seungmin and Hyunjin was preparing aswell, asking Jeongin who just went through a heartbreak to help them out.

"Do you think Hyunjin would ask me out? Like he'd actually ask if I wants to be his boyfriend?? Omg...that would be-".

"Wow amazing....yeah.....do that..i- oh..".

Seungmin threw a piece of clothing at the younger who just whined in protest.

"I would appreciate it if you would pay a bit more attention" Seungmin exclaimed as he shook his head.

Jeongin laughed before standing up.

"I can't believe I'll turn 18 in just 3 days...like..when I was 13 I swore to myself I would reach this age..." Jeongin spoke shaking his head. thinking back kinda hurt his feelings.

"You're doing great. You deserve a trophy for making it so far.." Seungmin spoke, as he gave the younger a comforting smile in the process.

Jeongin just nodded still feeling empty handed and lost. He still couldn't bear the thought of Chan's state. He wished he could just turn back time and prevent it all from happening..or maybe even preventing himself from meeting Chan in general.

As negative thoughts once again ran up his mind he shook his head and stood up.

"I need some air" Jeongin spoke as he smiled at the older before closing the bedroom door behind him.

"Wait..his actually leaving this place for once?" Seungmin mumbled to himself as he shook his head.

Maybe he had asked to many question...maybe he said something that reminded him of Chan?..or maybe he was just overthinking this whole thing?

Whatever it was he continued informing Hyunjin about the younger.

........

Jeongin walked around the small park. Breathing in the cold air as he tightened his grib around his coat, feeling a bit cold, but still not freezing.

The clock had hit 12 o'clock, and it was officially 2 days before his birthday.

He couldn't help but to shake his head at that thought.

It wasn't because he was excited after all. He never got to celebrate his birthday...well his parents never remembered it to be exact..and he just went along with it. The only one ever sending him a happy birthday was Hyunjin, who always chose to buy a single muffin and a candle just for that tiny event in his life.

And to be honest..he only needed that little muffin and candle to quietly celebrate his birthday with his best friend.

He smiled happily thinking back on all the small and tiny birthday events that had happened between him and Hyunjin.

Shaking his head as he looked up at the sky.

18 years....18 years with Hyunjin..18 years of actually living.

It felt unreal. Jeongin never thought to even reach this number. He never believed he would ever try taking exams, or graduate, and even live his life past 18. It was something new.

Just living in general was hard, and he always wondered how peaceful it would be if....

No it's not the time to think about that.

He stopped dead in his tracks as he looked around, analyzing each single detail around him. Now this was peaceful.

Smiling to himself as he put on his headphones, blasting some calming beats to fit the now snowy weather.

It was time for him to be put at ease, for him to get peace..he knew it wasn't impossible feeling peace even when living. And he tried proving that to himself.

'You always have to suffer before you feel peace'.

'It darkest of all before the dawn'.

'There's always a light in the darkest tunnel'.

It was his time to live...no matter what.

No matter if Chan was here to help him through. No matter if he still had parents. No matter how old he got.

He needed to live.

Everything he ever needed was Hyunjin..and he'd function perfectly fine with just Hyunjin in his life.

It was his time to shine.