Addiction

16

Silly girl...with silly boys.
___________

Jeongin's mind was cloudy, vision was blurred, legs weak and shaky as they tried to keep him up.

Yells and screams filled the air and all Jeongin could do was to put on his headphones, blocking out those noises as they continued roaming through the broken house.

He wondere if he ever got the chance to feel at peace..he wondered if someday he'd stop smoking and taking drugs, stop drinking and having sex with random people. He really wondered if he'd get clean.

Sure he was viewed as the confident kid in class, but in reality there was much more things he was insecure about..not his body to be exact, but such things as his mindset, actions, past, all that was enough to make him bottle up his emotions for years.

The only person he dared speaking up to was Hyunjin after all...and he hoped the older would stay by his side till the day he'll die.

Maybe someday he'd get to escape from this hell..maybe he'd get to experience a bit of heaven...maybe?

But at that moment..nothing was more comforting than drugs and sex. Or maybe even drinking his feelings away. He needed someone to hold him, to help him, to remind him that he still matter.

...........

Jeongin felt soft tears roll down his cheeks as he stare up in the ceiling. He hated feeling so weak.

Chan was laying beside him, not knowing that the younger was breaking down, crying his eyes out while trying to stay composed.

Memories from the past kept flooding in as they continued with coming out as pure water drops known as tears.

How did he get so emotional?

He didn't know..he wondered if he was truly happy with Chan, or if Chan was just a coping mechanism to help him escape the pure evil inside of his mind. Or maybe..just maybe, he actually loved him, maybe he trusted him to much?

Maybe Chan used him?

Jeongin's mind was turning. His head got lighter and lain was still evident in his body.

He stepped into the bathroom, being met with his own reflection.

Prominent marks made from Chan's own lips was evident on his pale skin. His neck and chest was covered, looking like a huge bruise as if he fell from the 5th floor and survived.

Dark circles standing less prominent, but still noticeable enough, his completes red eyes and tear stained face didn't make him look much healthier.

His nipples was a brighter shade of red due to Chan's intense nibbling on them. His pink lips swollen as his nose felt stuffed. The handcuffs that once was around his wrists had created a greenish/blueish mark around them.

He looked dead.

He couldn't recognize himself, his legs was shaking a bit. He felt ugly.

For the first time in many years he had hated how he looked like after sex. He used to love being claimed, he loved having noticeably red swollen lips..but he hated how he looked. He looked used, broken, and ugly.

Insecurity flushed through his fragile and weak body as he managed to stay upright.

A soft pair of bigger arms wrapped around his smaller body, pulling him close as the person kissed his cheek softly.

"Shh it's okay..." Chan voice whispered into his ears, holding him close like his life depended on it.

Tears rolled down the younger's face again as all he could do was to focus on the older's touch.

"Just cry..let it all out, no one is here to judge you".

With that single sentence Jeongin broke out, feeling completely lost and unsure about his surroundings. Dizzy from the amount of thoughts running through his head.

Chan comforted him by pulling him closer, hugging him tightly as he pressed soft kisses on the younger's head.

"Let's take a shower, then let's put you in some of my clothes, then we'll cuddle okay?..you don't need to hurry with telling me about what happened" Chan spoke, reassuring the younger was okay before turning on the shower faucet.

Once the warm water made contact with the younger's sensitive skin, Chan quickly hoped in too, helping the younger wash up.

It was peaceful and quiet. Nothing other than the shower and the bottles of different soaps and shampoos was heard.

Chan squished some soap out of the bottle filled with body wash on to his hands, as he continued roaming his hands gently around the younger's body.

Jeongin loved the feeling of Chan's hands roaming through his body. The way the water hit his skin was satisfying and he didn't feel like leaving the shower anytime soon, which Chan noticed.

He grinned to himself before finishing washing himself up. And after he just wrapped his arms around the younger's small body, letting Jeongin rest his head on his shoulder.

They stayed in that position for a good 15 minutes before Chan helped the younger out of the shower..not forgetting to turn of the faucet.

"You're beautiful" Chan whispered softly as he continued drying them both.

Jeongin was now blushing softly as all he really needed right now was to sit back and relax.

"Can we cuddle?".

Chan chuckled and nodded his head before helping the younger of the counter, and back into the bedroom where he let the younger borrow some his hoodie and a pair of boxers.

He got dressed himself before laying down beside Jeongin, pulling him close into his embrace, legs fiddled together as they focused on sleeping.

"Goodnight baby".