Songfic CA/NY

361 17 14
                                    

Requested by StrongBlueMonster777

*Trigger Warning*
    -Suicide attempt
    -Death (?)
    -Depression
    -Blood descriptions
    -Purgatory
    -Stutters (Idk if that can trigger a tic)
    -Gay (Obviously)
    -Kissing

Also just to add to this I'm not going to say if this is in Cali's P.O.V. or NY's

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I sat against the tub looking at the ceiling, knife in my hand blood dripping to the floor and tears streaming down my face, out of my puffy red eyes, they blurred my vision.

This world will never be what I expected, and if I don't belong who would've guessed it...

I look down to my 'mess' and smile, but look away knowing that if he knew I was doing this he would be mad, I just feel that it would be better this way... After what felt like years but in reality was only a few seconds I get up not sure if this is what I truly want, but then again feeling empty as I put the knife down and look for bandages, good thing I always have on long sleeves.

I will not leave alone everything that I own to make you feel like it's not too late, it's never too late...

After I found the bandages I washed the 'workspace' then my hands and dryed them making sure that not a speck of blood was visable before washing the cuts and putting ointment on them, now for the bandages. Wrapping round and round my fore arms and wrists, pulling my sleeves down as far as they can go, for if I wrap my arms properly the bandage would be sticking out wrapped around the bottom of my hand and thumb making it look suspicious, and I can't have that...

Even if I say it'll be alright, still I hear you say you want to end your life...

I take a deep breath before checking the mirror, this time looking at my eyes maybe I can say I got something in them if I get asked why they're red like that, yeah that'll work. Now to go out I think before unlocking the bathroom door and stepping out slowly, I close the door and look both ways down the hallway, good nobody's around I think to myself as I head off towards my room, only whrn it's times like this when I actually don't mind sharing a room with him, although it might help to hold him or have him hold me.

Now and again we try to just stay alive maybe we'll turn it all around, 'Cause it's not too late, it's never too late...

I flip over onto my back, still on my bed not exactly sure what to do at this point, I think I'm tired but I'm not I'm just drained of energy, my own thoughts running through my head, yet I couldn't force myself to utter a single noise. I sighed in defeat before closing my eyes, knowing I'm not going to fall asleep, I reopen them and turn to the side, my eyes scanning the bed for what I want when I can't find it I sit up and get off the bed momentarily until I found it, my favorite stuffed animal.

No one will ever see this side reflected and if there's something wrong who would've guessed it...

Ollie a little red fox 'holding' a subtlety off-white blanket with silky satin edges, so bright of a red it looks gleaming like a ruby but soft like linen, it smells like a mix of fresh outdoor air, pinecones, and clean laundry. Sure it was technically a baby toy, but as the name of It 'Securoty Blanket' I think I can say that, that part is true for a small portion. It was calming and relaxing, but through all the stress and depression it only helped a little but, I suppose a little is better than none at all. I think, though who am I to say that.

And I have left alone everything that I own to make you feel that it's not too late, it's never too late...

I cuddle with Ollie for a bit, well the best I can as he is, for the most part, just a tiny blanket with small arms and a little head and think about random things that most people would say are meaningless, but right now I could care less. I feel myself getting sleepy, has my lack of sleep caught up with me or is it the lack of blood? I don't know, but it doesn't matter because my vision is fading.

Even if I say it'll be alright, still I hear you say you want to end your life, now and again we try to just stay alive maybe we'll turn it all around, 'Cause it's not too late, it's never too late...

I wake up? The place I'm in is dark and foggy... Where am I? "You're in a place that you've wanted to be in for a long time" I heard a soft yet twisted voice say from behind I look everywhere I possibly can, as fast as I can to try and find it. I hear it laugh, "Oh silly you, you can't see me... Do you know where you are?" I hear it ask. I gulp and was able to choke out a small "N-n-no-o" with that it laughs again. "Your in a place between life and death, people who are sent here specifically get the choice of which one they want, although I'll show you the outcome of the other one and sometimes it's worse, but sometimes it's better so I would advise to choose wisely..." It's words replay in my head as I go over the different scenarios to myself trying to think what would happen between what I choose, until I come to my answer.

The world we knew won't come back, the time we've lost can't get it back, the life we had won't be ours again

I'm in a room, I see him my boyfriend crying on the bathroom floor, the same position that I was before... This... He gets up and goes to his room, I watch closely and carefully he goes to the closet and takes out a box. He put it on the floor and opened it, taking out a... Noose... He hung it in the closet on the rod and goes to his desk to get the chair. I trid to scream I tried so hard but nothing came out, I'm sobbing now. I can't take it I want to look away, I want to close my eyes but there's something stopping me holding me in place. He puts the chair in the closet and stands on it, before putting his head in through the loop of the noose. He looks up gleaming tears on his cheeks coming from his red puffy eyes, he's smiling and I hear him choke out "I-hh lov-ve you-hh" it seemed as if it was calling towards me I wanted to say I love you too but I couldn't utter a noise, all I could do was cry while watching. With that the chair fell, unfortunately the rod held his weight and he had suffocated to death...

Even if I say it'll be alright, still I hear you say you want to end your life, now and again we try to just stay alive maybe we'll turn it all around, 'Cause it's not too late, it's never too late...

With that I jolted awake in a bright room, blinding my eyes, I hear crying and gasps before a feel myself being pulled into a hug harshly, it's him he's sobbing into my shoulder I don't know what to do after I saw that except for hug him back just as tight. I can sense that there's other people in the room but i could care less. He pulls away, so I do too. I see his face it has a hurt expression on it, I look down "I didn't mean to... I'm sorry" I cry out quietly but loud enough for him to hear. He starts crying again he grabs me by my upper arms and kisses me on the lips, which I return. "Don't try anything like that again" he cries out "I won't" I replied and I was determined to keep that promise. We pull away again to be met face to face and then our lips lock passionately. I don't know what I would do without him...

Maybe we'll turn it all around,'Cause it's not too late, it's never too late, it's not too late, it's never too late.

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Es tut mir leid, I keep forgetting the trigger labels

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