No Looking Back {Book Two}

8

(Trigger Warning ⚠️: Mention of Suicide.)

I woke up in the middle of the night and I walked out of the room and went to the balcony and looked out in the distance.

"Maddie, what are you doing awake?" I heard Daryl ask.

"Couldn't sleep, so I just came out here for fresh air." I said, without looking at him. He then came beside me.

"Maddie, I need to tell you something." He said.

"What is it?" I asked, looking at him.

"It's about Jesus." He said.

"What about him?" I asked, scared of what he's going to say.

"He's dead." He told me.

"No. That can't be true. Please tell me that's not true." I said, feeling tears build up in my eyes.

"I'm sorry Maddie. I wish it wasn't true." He said. The tears started to fall. I can't believe he's dead.

"How did he die?" I asked.

"One of those people that took you, killed him." He said. "Stabbed him through the back." He added.

"Why is everyone I care about dying?" I asked, crying. "I never got to say goodbye. Daryl, why is everyone dying around me?" I said, walking closer to him and wrapped my arms around him. "I'm starting to feel like I'm just bad luck for everyone. Everyone around me is dying." I said, crying into his shoulder.

"You're not bad luck Maddie, don't think that." He said.

"It feels like I am." I said. "Can you take me to where he's buried? Please?" I said, looking at him. He nodded his head and we walked to where we buried our people. We stopped at a grave.

"This is where he's buried." He said. I got on my knees and put my hand on the rocks.

"Can I be alone with him for a little bit?" I asked.

"Of course." He said, walking away. A few minutes later, someone walked beside me. I looked up and saw Aaron.

"Aaron." I said. He knelt down beside me. "He can't be dead Aaron. Not my best friend. It can't be true." I said, crying. He pulled me against him and I cried harder. "He can't be gone, he just can't be. I don't want to believe it. The last time I saw him was before I got taken. I never got to say goodbye. I'm losing everybody I love and care about. I can't take it anymore. I don't how much more of this I can take. I can't do this anymore. I want it all to stop." I said.

"You can get through this Maddie, I know you can. We all know you can. You've been through more than all of us and you're still here. No ones leaving you permanently, they're still with you. We all are." Aaron said, sounding like he's about to cry.

"I just can't take anymore of this. I don't want to see anyone else die. Why can't everyone just get along without fighting? Why does there always have to be war? I'm having more hurt than anything else. I can't find any peace Aaron, no matter what I do or how hard I try." I said. "Sometimes I feel like I should just give up but I can't because everyone needs me here. My kids. My brother. You. And everyone else. I don't want to leave any of you." I said, pulling away and looking at him while still crying.

"I know what you're feeling Maddie, I do. But we've got to keep fighting. That's what Jesus would want. What Carl would want. What Rick would want. We've got to fight to show that they're deaths wasn't for nothing." He said.

"I know but it's getting harder to keep fighting when we're losing everyone." I said. We stayed there a bit longer and Daryl soon came back. I stood up and hugged Aaron once more before walking away with Daryl.

We walked into my room and saw the kids there. They looked up when we walked inside.

"Mommy, why are crying?" RJ asked.

"Do they know about Paul's death?" I asked, quietly so they don't hear me.

"They do." He told me.

"Mom, are you okay?" Liam asked.

"Yeah I'm okay. Don't worry, I was just in some pain." I lied. I didn't want them to know that I was crying for something else.

"Okay mom." Liam said.

"Come on you all. Let's get back to bed." Daryl said.

"Okay Uncle Daryl." Judith said. They left the room and I was alone in the bedroom. I laid down and tried to sleep after finding out about the death of my best friend.