Nobody Knows | Jeon Jungkook

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I never thought I would be here again. In a place where I have loved spending time for the last few months and that was exciting to even get here. I was sure I would never enter this room again, simply for the reason that I have no reason to. But apparently I was wrong.

Everything is sitting in its usual place, just as I know it from my memories. When I say memories, it sounds almost ridiculous, like it's been years since I was here. But it feels like an eternity has passed since I set foot in the lightly lit room, with all the familiar furniture.

Irina's room.

I know some of you will think I'm crazy and a lurker. Others might even call the police if they spotted a dark figure like a shadow in a corner of their room. But can anyone blame me for sneaking into that one person's room like a thief, just like she sneaked into my heart?

I'm sitting on an armchair in the far corner, it's the middle of the night and everyone is probably already dreaming their third dream, while I'm simply watching the sleeping person who has been occupying my thoughts for weeks. I don't know how I got here. I suddenly found myself in front of her house and then climbing up the tree like I had been doing for the past few months.

I don't even know why I am here.

To my luck, the door to the balcony was open, so I could enter without making much noise. The light breeze of the cool summer night blows gently against my skin and I wonder if she is not cold.

She looks so peaceful, from my position I have a good view of her sleeping face. Her features are neutral and calm, making me wonder if she is getting a good night's sleep. A night of better sleep than I have had.

My head throbs from the lingering headache that doesn't seem to be going away anytime soon. I can't even remember the last time I slept properly without waking up constantly or waking up with a hangover the next day because I fell asleep on the couch after drinking.

I've been drinking to forget a lot of things, but I can't say it's worked. The feeling of being numb, not feeling anything only did me good for a few hours, but it all came back when I opened my eyes in the morning. To be honest, I'm starting to think it's gotten even worse.

After I saw Irina at the university two weeks ago, after I was in the lecture with Mr. Smith, I couldn't keep my mind free from her. I was already busy getting her out of my head as best I could for the past few weeks, but seeing her in the hallway, looking into her eyes, triggered much worse in me.

The way her eyes glistened with unshed tears that were on the verge of decorating her cheeks was something I couldn't get out of my head. It felt like someone was stabbing my chest with a knife several times, twisting the blade in the wound to inflict more damage and pain. I've never felt anything like that before.

I never wanted to run up to her more in my life than I did at that moment, to take her in my arms and draw her scent deep into my nose. I wanted to feel her warmth so she could quench the shivers that kept creeping over my body. I wanted her to heal the wounds in me by smiling at me and looking at me with those curing eyes.

I just wanted to forget everything.

But I can't, because everything has happened and the images have nested in my brain like a brand. I no longer feel the anger that darkened my heart until a few days ago. Instead, the place has been taken by longing. I've never missed anyone as much as I miss her.

I sigh heavily, leaning forward and resting my elbows on my thighs. I link my hands in front of me after spreading my legs and play around with my fingers while my gaze doesn't even turn away from Irina. I can only imagine that I probably look like a lost puppy right now, broken and lonely.