Nobody Knows | Jeon Jungkook

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Irina

I never thought it was possible to fall in love with the night. For me, the night was always the time of day when I saw the same shell in the mirror, but my interior and my actions adapted to the darkness.

I didn't like the night because I had to be a person that I didn't choose myself and even if I had the ability, I would never have chosen. The night was always dark for me, full of evil and obscurity. A dark blanket to cover the sins that in the light of day would surely be detested by all.

I was part of it, still am, and probably will be until my last breath. Every second that I turn my eyes away and push everything into a dusty corner to ignore it, I will be buried under that thick blanket with it. It lies like a heavy load on my shoulders and prevents me from moving my chest unhindered, resulting in suffocation.

But all this was my experience until I found the light of the night.

I would never have thought that one could fall in love with the night. But if any of you had seen even the glimmer of stars in his eyes, I swear you would be ready to drop everything. They are like a glitter of hope for all lost souls like mine, waiting to be captivated.

I want to let the stars rain down on me like twinkling particles so that they can clean the filthy specks in my heart. Whenever he looks at me deeply with those velvety black eyes of his it feels like he has thrown diamond dust all over me with his big hands.

Almost like something out of a fairy tale.

When he smiles, not only do the corners of his mouth pull up along with his shoulders but his eyes also hold joy in them and spread it around him. His eyes are full of a galaxy and I would be ready to fly through the paths he guides me, like a Milky Way taking me to happiness.

I never thought it was possible to fall in love with the night. But with him, nothing ever seems impossible. Even if the soulful depth of his eyes seems too dark for some, they still carry an indescribable sweetness for me. They are capable of reflecting what they see and I began to like the reflection of myself in his eyes, to feel at ease with it.

He is like a black hole, pulling you into his heart, but he is not even close to being dangerous. It scared me at first how easy it seemed for him to pull me in without really putting much effort into it until I found out that I was actually the person who was looking for him in the big wide galaxy to be pulled in.

I have often compared our situation to throwing a boomerang. No matter how crooked or bad you throw the angled disc, it always comes back to you. But I am not the person throwing it, I am the boomerang itself. Thrown by my fear, but then always pathetically returning to my loneliness and desperation.

This morning I decided to stop tossing myself wildly through the air. Because no matter how many times I return, it doesn't change the fact that I bump into the harshness of reality countless times along the way.

But I am not doing this for me. It's for him.

I can put away the blows just fine, pretend that nothing ever happened, but I can't live with the conscience that something could happen to him at any second. Despite his insistence, we would talk about everything in the morning, I couldn't help but run away like it was what I do best.

Inside I might be dying with the hope of living a normal life with him and also the idea of running away almost made me agree for a brief moment. The sparkle in his eyes and also the wide smile on his full lips gave me a punch in the heart.