Nobody Knows | Jeon Jungkook

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I look out the window and observe how the dark clouds are already gathering like gravel-grey dapples in front of the evening sun. I went for a quick grocery run and just managed to find shelter in the safety of my apartment before I got caught in what seems to be a heavy thunderstorm.

I don't know how long I'm standing at the window, but it's enough to see the first splash of rain make contact with the ground and I watch the asphalt floor darken with each drop. Just as with growing clouds in the sky that once floated around like tufts of wool.

The cold drops that fall on the hard ground, warmed by the sun during the day, evaporate mist-like until they make the ground just as cold as they are. The rain has always been fascinating and to this day I don't understand how the clouds are able to hold so many raindrops until they can no longer bear the weight.

Maybe the clouds are similar to us? Maybe at some point, they are no longer able to carry the weight of the drops and then have to cry them out to have a fresh start. Just like people who hold it all in until the sorrow seems unbearable and they let their pain roll down their cheeks in the form of salty tears.

But aren't the wet drops also what keeps us alive? Would we even know the value of sunny days if we didn't have to get wet from time to time?

The pitter-patter of rain echoes through the empty streets and I see people seeking shelter, be it a porch or an umbrella which can then keep them dry. But maybe we should dance in the rain and get wet instead of shying away from it and running away.

Drops of moisture drip from the leaves and give them life, vibrancy, and color. Sometimes we forget that we need two opposite things in our lives to live. Isn't rain what gives plants energy and strength to grow toward the sun? They need both sunny and rainy days to stay alive.

And we need smiles and tears to live life to the fullest. We need mistakes to learn from.

The gentle trickle at first turns to aggressive pouring from the sky and that makes me close the curtains again and run to the kitchen. The rain murmurs and creates light music for my ears as I quickly prepare something to eat.

There's an uneasy feeling sitting heavy in the pit of my stomach, but still, I slurp on the cheap pack of ramen I picked up from the convenience store around the corner. Nothing beats home-cooked food, but this is quite enough to give my body the energy it needs even if it is not food for my heart.

Several weeks have passed since I walked out of Irina's room, but left a part of me with her. Too many weeks to be able to function properly. But neither of us seems to make the first move, afraid of what the effects of that may be.

Her contact still sits in my recents, coming from the fact that I kept clicking on her name to hear her voice, even though I wasn't sure if she would even pick up. Still, my finger moved faster on the red button than I would have actually wanted and wished internally.

I spent many hours scrolling through my gallery and looking at the few pictures I secretly took of her. When I found out who she really was, my anger wanted to take over my body like its own possession and stash them all in the deleted folder, but another part of me was able to save the few memories just in time.

I gave her a profile picture, a picture I could snap before she caught me. She always said she wasn't photogenic, though I actually think the camera will never be able to do her beauty justice. I finally settled on one where she is stuffing one of her favorite crackers in her mouth and since then it owns the round icon right above her name.