Nobody Knows | Jeon Jungkook

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Have you ever believed that a person can touch you without using their hands?

Well, I didn't.

Until he came.

He showed me that you can touch the deepest corners of a person simply with his existence, with his laughter and his words. He showed me that intimacy is not just the act of sexual intercourse between two people, but also communication, making yourself understood without really having to say much.

He showed me that physical affection can leave a tickling sensation on your skin and that you think about it for days afterward without getting tired of it. I could have him in my head 24/7 and still, my lifetime would not be enough to appreciate the deepness of his eyes or the warmth of his smile.

He always made sure to call me when he missed me. When he was happy, sad, I was always the one whose voice helped him. And it's exactly the same the other way around. I feel better right away even if I only hear a little hello from him on the other side of the line.

He moved me with his words.

Touched my heart with his voice.

Caressed my hair with his soul.

And don't even get me started on how he makes me feel when he's with me. When our skin touches in an explosion of boundless love, affection, and intimacy so that my insides erupt in fireworks. When no one is looking and he pulls me into the bottom of his dark chocolate brown eyes for a few seconds. I could simply float on clouds.

I did not know this feeling. These feelings are new to me and although I was afraid to give them free rein at first, he showed me that he would catch me if I fell too hard. I did fall so hard. And he was there to hold me.

I don't know how we ended up in this position, but I'm stroking his hair as the soft skin of his puffy cheek presses against my chest. His breath tickles me ever so slightly at the curve of my neck, and it soothes me with each calm breath he takes and blows out quietly.

I can remember falling asleep in his arms and him holding me close to his heart before he fell into the dream world along with me. I don't think I have ever in my life closed my eyes as happily and contentedly as I did last night.

I woke up during the night once - or rather jolted out of my sleep - because I had another bad dream, verging even on the worst nightmare I've had. The reason for these images in my head is clearly due to the situation that is happening in real life in front of my eyes.

I can't help but be scared for Jungkook and it still hurts me like hell to think that he's in all of this just because of me. I don't want him to leave me because I don't know if I could even stand that knowing I'll never see him again, but I wish there was another solution.

This constant stress in the back of my mind makes my subconscious come up with the craziest scenarios, which then visit me at night in the form of a terrifying nightmare. It's always some sort of dark atmosphere and Jungkook appearing out of nowhere. The look in his eyes is so indescribable that I don't even know what he's thinking.

He always looks at me like he's apologizing for something and then I see something bad happen to him. However, it is always a different form of pain that I feel in my dream and it feels so real like someone is torturing my body while I am lying asleep. It's not a dream I get every day, but it does come back occasionally.

And this night, fortunately, I was not alone when the emotional pain was unbearable and I jumped up from my sleep. I feel bad that I scared Jungkook out of his sleep as well, but he didn't utter another word and took me right into his arms. He assured me throughout that he was here for me and that I had nothing to worry about.