I'm Waiting For You

Chapter 67 ❤️ Not going anywhere ❤️

I adjust the blanket on my lap and look at the scenery in front of me. The beach, the wave sound, the breeze and the stars. Perfect. It's more perfect now that I'm here with Ryan.

We are now sitting on the foldable chairs we brought to enjoy a cup of hot chocolate while warming ourselves with the campfire in front of us.

"It's good to be here and enjoy this for some times. Hide from everything for a while." Ryan leaves a heavy sighs and leans back while closing his eyes.

"Ryan, do you remember we were playing hide and seek with Allan when we were 5? That time when we almost lost you for real?" I look at him beside me, breaking the silence between us.

"Uh-hm. Everyone freaks out. Mom and Dad almost call the police but luckily I got home just before they can." He looks at me back.

"Yeah, right. You came home with a kitten in your hand. And they didn't have the heart to be mad at you because you just saved a kitten." I laugh a little.

"Do you want to know, what I felt when you left?" I ask that quieter, enough for him to hear me. But, I didn't look at him. I look at the stars up there.

He didn't reply but I can feel his gaze on me.

"When you went missing, I told Allan that it's my fault because we were supposed to hide together but I left you because I found a good spot. If only I let you hide with me, we won't lose you at that time." I stop but still no response from Ryan.

"Then, the next year, I lost Allan, which surprisingly, I thought was my fault too. If only I didn't let him go to get me burgers that night. Maybe he would still be here." I feel the tears start to well up in my eyes.

"A few days after that, I lost my friend, which is you. This time, I know you won't come back any time soon because your house was empty, your garage was empty, your backyard was empty. Everything, just not there anymore."

"And of course, I blame myself again. If only I knew the last time we saw each other was the last time, maybe I would give you my candies, the sour ones. You loved the sour ones. But I didn't." I try to laugh a little. A bad attempt actually.

"My whole life, I focus on telling myself, I am always the wrong one. I'm the one to blame on. Even if I have a fight with Harley. No matter how stubborn she is, I'll always be the one who apologize. One thing for sure, I don't want to lose anyone anymore." I'm still looking at the stars and without realizing, one drop of my tear falls on my cheek.

I wipe it off with my right hand and look down on my lap. I've been clenching my fist and I didn't realize.

Then, I look back at Ryan, remembering that I was talking to him.

He is still looking at me with concerned eyes. His brows almost frown but he still focus on me.

"Now, you know why I was so sure no one likes me. Or has a crush on me whatsoever. I'm just too insecure. Letting more people into my life, just increase the possibility of losing one of them more. And that is my weakness." More tears fall before I could stop them, breaking my voice as I speak.

Ryan turns his body to me and holds my cheeks in his hand. He wipes my tears with his thumb and I let him. I saw him broke down in front of me before, I couldn't care less if he sees me like this.

"Promise me, Ryan?"

His eyes widen at my question.

"Don't leave me again this time?"

"Hey, come here."

Next, he pulls up my hand and asks me to come closer to him. I did. I stand up and come to him. Then, he lets me sit on his lap, sideway.

He puts his right hand around my waist, the other one still caressing my face so I put my hands on his shoulder and neck.

"I'm not going anywhere, okay?"

I lay my head on his shoulder, inhaling his scent as I sob. He smells like mint and I like it.

His hand on my waist is now caressing my back as I sob in his arms. He strokes my hair gently.

"I'm sorry if I ever made you doubt yourself. I didn't mean to." He says. I know he didn't. It's not his fault.

"But please, baby. Don't ever think of yourself like that anymore. You didn't do anything wrong. It's not always your fault. You didn't see it, but people around you can see how valuable you are. Especially, me."

His words comfort me but at the same time, it made my eyes make a waterfall. I don't think it helps to stop the tears. I wraps my hands on his neck and hugs him tighter and so did him.

"I promise. I won't leave you again."

I pull away from the hug after some times and he loosens his grip too. I look at him in the eyes, I see how he tries his best not to cry with me because I need his comfort at this time.

He wipes my tears as we look at each other silently. I lean a little until our foreheads meet. I hold his left cheek with my right hand before we both lean forward for a kiss.

He tightens his grip on waist again and his left hand is now going to the back of my neck, trying to deepen the kiss. I hold both of his shoulders in my hands and try to follow his rhythm with the kiss. It's so passionate that I think I just melt into him. He changes the angles and I just follow his lead. He is the better kisser here and I need to adapt to that. He's a kisser, not joking.

We stayed like that for a few minutes before I pull back first, of course, to catch my breath. I don't think I will ever keep up to this athlete boy.

Our breath heavy after the kiss and we just look at each other after that. He gives me one last look before he lays his head on my collarbone, just above my chest, hugging me.

"I can't even imagine my life without you after this."

Both of his hands now wrapped around my waist while he stays there. I hug him back, playing with his hair and we just sit in silent in the night cold breeze.