Reassurance.

Chapter thirteen.

I look from Luca then Jamie and back to Luca again. There was no way in hell I was going to voice my thoughts infront of Jamie.

"Um Luca?" I asked him. Just as Adam surfaced from his slumber and entered the kitchen. good timing, Adam can distract Jamie, I'll talk to Luca.

"Yeah what's up?"

"I need to talk to you." I say shyly.

"Okay...?" he replies expecting me to go on.

"In private." I look at him with a shy look on my face and then look at him with pleading eyes.

He nods his head towards the lounge and then jumps off the stool and walks through the door with me trailing behind. I close the door and sit down on the sofa next to him.

"Are you okay, Zara" He asks with a worried expression plastered across his face.

"Basically, I don't want to dwell on..." I pause, "You know, the past." he nods his head in understanding. "But I can't exactly help the flash backs so I was wondering if maybe I could see a therapist?"

he sighs and looks up at me. "If that's what you want but you do realise that you have never voiced your situation before."

shit. I mutter under my breath realising he's got a point. I have never spoken about my ordeal since I was examined by the doctor in the hopstial and had to tell them and the police what had happened. I promised myself that I wouldn't talk about it in hope that it wouldn't make it more real than it already is or was. That's probably why I'm so confused sometimes, so messed up. My head is screaming at me, telling me I should speak to someone but iv never listened until I heard Jamies words.

"But speaking will help me get some sort of release. I keep telling myself that not voicing my thoughts is keeping it from being real but its not."

"Hmm, I guess your right Zee."

"Making it real will help me to get over it, instead of building it up. I bottle it inside me and then it bubbles out in flashbacks and nightmares. I need release."

"Okay, you're right. if that's what you want then I will research it and find a decent therapy centre."

"Thanks." I lean in and hug him. Then we stand up and leave the room and join Adam and Jamie in the kitchen. Adam walks over to me and pulls me into a hug.

"Everything alright?" Adam asks us.

"Yeah" Luca replies bluntly, hoping Adam wont press but knowing his brother too well he realises he will have to use the code word from when I was younger and had a flashback. Because at the that age I didnt want to talk about it and I had already made a promise with myself that i wouldnt, when I had a nightmare or flashback, My parents and brothers would say 'Code Red' so that I wouldnt need to say anything but everyone knew what was happening.

"So am I supposed to read your mind and expect to find an answer or are you going to tell me straight up?"

"Adam." Luca says sternly and looks from him to me. Poor Jamie looks so confused. Luca takes a breath to continue, "code red situation." He says quietly. I inwardly cringe at our 'code.'

"oh." Adam replies and nods. "so, anyone want lunch? I'll do a maccy d's run?" I'm thankful he's changed the subject and my eyes light up at the thought of maccy d's.