'Jules' mind went back under the moonlight and night air of Baldwin's Fine Arts Center Garden, where intense anger shifted into an intimate moment of curiosity with a blow of the wind.
Maybe two flames weren't supposed to be that close when raging...
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"Maybe I'll love you one day, maybe someday we'll grow." - Drake
THE CHILL OF THE PARKS HALL air conditioning system made his wet clothes even colder as he stood next to a couch Essence occupied.
In order to move on from the past, he had to assess it, accept it, and then do everything he could to leave it out of the present.
"What's up with you Ce -- you telling the whole campus our business?" Raheem asked her while crossing his arms over his chest.
The goosebumps on his skin reminded him that Jules still has his jacket on her shoulders. He made mental note to ask for it on the way out.
"I had to talk about it to get over it," she explained.
"Yeah, but it seems like you still aren't so what's up? Talk to me, not everyone else."
She sighed while setting her bag of chips to her side, "I just think it's funny how you can tell me that you're not ready for a relationship, and then pop up with her like it's nothing."
He rubbed his face into his palms, knowing directly what road this conversation was heading. She was right in some sense, he'd told her that the relationship thing wasn't his speed.
Yet, when he told her this -- Jules was never a consideration in his mind.
"I'm not in a relationship Ce', we're just kicking it. Jules and I are friends."
"Bullshit, everyone can see that you two are into each other -- that you're more than the label you try to hide behind."
Wet, cold, and accused -- Raheem grew irritated.
"Well what do you want me to tell you Essence? That I made a mistake or that I was wrong — you want to hear how I feel about her or if I have feelings at all? I mean, what the hell do you want?"
"I want a damn apology," she spat, "I want to know that I wasn't crazy or foolish for falling for you, just for you to lie to my face! That you led me on, and the fucked with me in the end."
"I didn't lie Essence, it was the truth! I didn't want a relationship with anyone else." He started to yell, " Then i met Jules — and I got to experience her, truly by force and not by choice at first. I didn't know that I could feel for anyone the way I feel for her for a very, very long time — and now that I do, I can't ignore it!"
Essence sunk into her seat upon hearing his words, "So it was me — this whole time? I just wasn't the one you wanted?"
Raheem let out sigh as he squatted down to meet Essence's face, "No Ce, it was me — honestly. And you weren't in love with me, not in the slightest. You liked what I represented -- what I could mean to you, and what I could be. You didn't love me."
