Air Conditioning

Strength

You,
Yes you,
Are strong.

So strong in fact that I doubt each word I write,
Here are some thoughts.

"If I write these feelings, am I cracking his resolve? Am I digging into scars? Am I weakening his new bonds?"

"No, silly, he's strong enough to handle your words and let them slide like water."

"Then will he even understand them? And feel empathy for me?"

"Yes, just as he always has. But it will be in a more quiet way, a stronger way- the way of one who has a partner to support him."

"Does that make him more similar to me? Do I act in the way I think he will? Do I feel in that way?"

"Probably more than you realise."

"Does that make me a bad person?"

"Why would it?"

"Because I'm listening, and speaking, but nothing ever comes of it but bitter thoughts for him and I."

"That's not true. If you can find it in you to think of all the good, you can remember fondly instead of bitterly."

"Like the acceptance stage of grief?"

"Yes."

"Does this mean it ends here?"

"In what way?"

"Is this the end of our story? Will anything we write, or do, contribute to this wild arc we've woven?"

"That's for time to say. It may not, or it may."

"That's hard to cope with."

"I know."

"..."

"..."

"So what now? Do we say goodbye? Do we keep writing?"

"That depends."

"I don't know if I can say goodbye in the ways that matter. I don't know if I can bring myself to cut the line for the better of his future."

"You're forgetting something."

"What?"

"He's strong. You don't need to do anything for him. Even if you think it would help, know this; he's strong enough without you, and nothing you do will change that. It's a good thing. Maybe you can try and focus more on your closure."

"I wouldn't know where to start."

"Then start with not knowing, until you do."