The Rough, Sadness, And The Light At The End Of The Tunnel

Six

"Did I make up for the month?" Chris asked falling over to my side. We laid down and we were both trying to catch our breath. "I think you're about half way there. But we need sleep. Five times takes a lot out of a woman." I said and moved on my side and out my head on his chest. I moved a hand down his arm and laced our fingers together.

"I'm sorry, Jordan." He said. I turned my head and he looked down at me. "Can we agree this. It's on both of us. I should've given you a chance to explain. And you should've done a better job of hiding you were doing something." I told him. "Deal. I love you. So much." He smiled. "I love you too. So much." He pressed a kiss to my head and we just laid there.

"Do like it? The ring." Chris asked. "I love it. I think diamond rings are beautiful-" "I knew I should've just gone with a diamond one." He sighed. "Let me finish. I think diamond rings are beautiful but I love this one. I love the shape it's honestly my favorite shape of rings and the gemstone is beautiful. I'm sure it'll look more blue or purple on the sunlight too. Stop beating yourself up over small things. I would've been perfectly fine if you got a ring with a simple gold band. I told you. I don't really care about these kinda of things. I just want you." I told him.

"You're too good to me." He pulled me closer to him. "Oh, please. You spoiled me rotten when i was just on my period last year. Let alone some dates we've been on." I rolled my eyes.

"I'm going to sleep now. I don't know if you noticed. But I came over at 1:30 in the morning. And it's now 3." I said. "Huh? You're right. Well I was tired before I went to bed but a better reason kept me awake." He smirked. "Whatever you dork. Love you." I smiled and snuggled into his chest. "Love you. And you're moving back in either today or tomorrow." He whispered and I chuckled.

1 PM

I slowly started waking up not wanting to move. I turned around on back looking at the ceiling. I smiled to myself remembering everything. I sat up holding the comforter to my chest and looked around the room. I got off the bed and went to the bathroom. I started the shower and waited for it to get hot. 

I let the hot water just run down my body soothing my tense muscles. I felt two hands on my hips and i jumped a little. "Fucking Christ Chris." I breathed out. "Mmm. Sorry, Princess." He pressed a kiss to my shoulder. I turned around in his arms and wrapped my arms around his neck. He leaned forward putting his forehead on mine.

"I've missed you." He said. "I've missed you too. So what have you been doing while I was gone?" I asked. "Well, there's was a lot of man tears going on. I was on the phone with my family, mostly my mom. Seb also called to see if he wanted to go out but then I told him. He was the one to give me the idea of giving you the ring. And was about ready to cope back with smoking." He admitted. I pulled my head away looking him in the eyes. "What?" "Yeah. I went to the store and bought a box. Looked at the box for about two hours then put them in the glove box and hung out with the dogs instead." He looked down like he was ashamed.

I put and a hand on the side of his face and he walked forward putting his head in the crook my neck. He put his arms around me and I put a hand on his back and one in his hair. "Hey. It's okay. You didn't do anything." I cooed in his ear.

One thing I told Chris we first started dating was I hated the smell of smoke. The smell would make me cough and it just always lingered everywhere one was smoked. He said he wanted to stop but couldn't find the strength to do it by himself. We had this whole talk about how he has SO many people that would've never leave his side to help. But he promised he would stop for his family, friends, me, and mostly himself. When he told Lisa she was over the moon. Because she hated when he smoked.

Chris used smoking as a coping mechanism. It started when he and Minka broke up for the first time. Then it just got worse and worse after every relationship. He would stop when in a relationship but then when it would end he would go straight back. It's his worse on and off relationship he's got.

"I don't even know why I bought it. I told myself at the beginning of this. 'If something happens and we end, don't go back. It just makes it harder to come back from.' And I couldn't hold myself up to it." He told me sounding completely and utterly disappointed in himself. "Oh, Honey. Don't do this to yourself. The real question is. Did you grab one, light it, and smoke it?" I asked. "No." He answered. "Then you did nothing wrong. You are strong enough to pull yourself away even through going and buying a pack. You did good for yourself." I leaned down and kissed his shoulder.

He pulled away and placed his lips on mine. I smiled into the kiss and kept playing with his hair. "God I've missed your lips on mine." He groaned pulling away. "You had them all night long last night." I giggled at him. "Still, only forever will be long enough." He joked and pushes me against the wall. "Well, then take all kisses you want." "I will. And I think I've got some time i have to make up for." He smirked and crashed our lips together once again.

I'm very sorry this is SO over due. It was finals week, softball weekend, and I went out of town to see family I hadn't seen in a long time. So I've been very busy. But here you go. Love you guys ❤