Some Thorns, Some Roses

VI | Nevertheless, He Was Unexpected

I didn't return to school until one week after my first day of Senior year and catching up on my academics was my main focus. Although things have been difficult for me, I realised having some form of distraction would suit me well. 

Quincy and Atticus returned back to college, towards the end of the week. I really did appreciate their support for me. It was nice knowing that no matter where in the world we are, we'll always be there for each other. 

The majority of my cousins went back to Florida as well. But not Davy. He told me he would stay a little longer just to make sure I was genuinely okay and not just bullshitting everyone. 

I was. 

Bullshitting everyone. 

However, he went with Atticus for the day to tour Tulane. He was interested in coming to college here in Louisiana so I encouraged to go and tour it. I honestly just needed the space away from him. He was just a friendly reminder to remind me to take a second. I didn't want to take a second to breathe. I wanted to keep moving forward, no matter the consequences of that. 

Despite distractions and focusing on other things, I still felt voided. I still felt empty and alone. No matter how many people surrounded themselves around me. Something still was missing. 

PJ decided against taking his motorcycle to school, offering to ride with me instead. It was a sweet gesture, but I didn't need him hovering over me and my grieving process. Auggie even suggested we all ride together. 

I couldn't faster deny this idea. I nodded my head no speedily, explaining, "I'm going to pick up Angel so I won't be alone for the majority of the ride." 

Both of my other brothers made an identical face. Both overanalysing me and wondering why I was so hellbent on it not happening. Eventually the grand master of all things Serena spoke and that was the end of the conversation. 

Davy had Quincy on FaceTime and he ordered me to go with at least one of my brothers. I rolled my eyes and grabbed PJ by the collar of his shirt, pulling him along with me. I love Auggie, but he'd surely drive me crazy with questions like, "Are you alright?" "Maybe this is too soon." "Let's just ditch and go to the park." 

I just wanted someone to shut up and turn on some music. PJ was the guy for the job. As we left the door, I heard Auggie's heavily ignored protest, "HEY!" 

"Sorry, I'm her favorite bro." PJ yelled back to him right before the door closed shut. He looked down and chuckled to himself. "I am definitely not your favorite huh?" 

I looked at him and smirked, not answering that question. I saw Perris hoping in his all black Jeep to follow us and I sighed gently. If only I didn't have a bodyguard. I would surely do something stupid, which is another reason why I knew PJ wanted to accompany me. 

I got in the car and started the engine, pulling out of my garage. PJ tightly held onto the "oh shit" handle bar and squirmed in his seat a little. On our journey, he would press the invisible brake or nearly comment on something about me accidentally rolling pass a stop sign. 

But instead, he sat there tight-lipped, muscles tense with a kinda freaked out facial expression. He went back to an old topic. "So favorite brother?" he asked me again and I did the exact same moments. I smirked and nodded my head, refusing to answer that question. 

"You have to have a favorite, everyone has a favorite everything!" he exclaimed with a smile on his face. I glanced over at him and he looked like such a boy. He had this glimmer in his eyes and his smile was genuine. It's nice to see him happy and lively. 

A couple years back, he used to seem dead inside. But today, he is far from that. PJ is alive and chirper. 

"I have a favorite for different situations." I spoke evenly, slightly hesitantly with a gentle smile. I was hoping he'd pity me.