Some Thorns, Some Roses

XXII | Memories: Serena's Angel in the Woods

Trigger Warning: Brief Mentions of Eating Disorders and Suicide

Flashback began 

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Being in that eating therapy was rough. It was probably the most gruelling experience I have ever faced. Eating disorders are not fun and I would strongly advised against them.

Most days you could hear the cries of others from your room. Every day was battle just to eat two slices of bread. It was miserable. My roommate didn't make things better.

Nearly every day she would call me fat and tell me to starve myself. But at night, I could hear her muffled cries. It was pretty sad. I knew the only reason why she was saying such awful things to me is because she felt awful about herself. Therefore, it wasn't something I was going to worry about. The only aspect I was going to give my time or attention to was getting out.

So the night of my 4th group therapy session, I wasn't in a talkative mood, not really. But I wanted to leave that place and never come back so I had no choice. I talked a a little bit. Because my roommate and I didn't have the same group therapy session (they do that on purpose), I mostly complained about her. I didn't want to sound like a broke record and after all, everyone in the room new how difficult was. There was no need to unpack all of that because while others did it, I had the chance to unpack it for myself.

There was only ten people, 11 if you count the therapist. Ten individuals stuck in a room together, learning, perhaps, too much about each other. When it got around to Atwood's turn, he was oversharing. At the time, I didn't really know him. I only knew the information he told in group and while I saw him around school, that didn't mean we were friends. Hell, it didn't even make us acquaintances. I just knew a shit ton about his unhealthy eating habits and what lead him to this place. Nothing more, nothing less.

He was hysterical and he had not been as inconsolable as he was in that moment. Hot, fat tears fiercely rolled down his cheeks. Atwood seemed like he was nearly choking on the noticeable lump that went down his throat. Even though, I didn't really know him, I felt bad for him. You could hardly understand the words he was speaking.

I looked to my left and no one seemed to care about his problems. I looked to my right and no cared either. Except for one girl.

She was looking at him as if she could feel his pain. Maybe because a little piece of her could feel it. A tiny part of her could relate to his every word. I could too, which is why it made me so sad to see him in this state. In that moment, I wondered if that is how my family felt about me. Did they feel this way? Atwood is stranger to me so I couldn't even imagine what my family felt as they had to leave me here. They left nearly two weeks ago and I have a lot of time left. 

The girl beside me was Seraphina. I also wasn't acquainted to her either and she never really helped that fact. Seraphina rarely shared in the group sessions and she hardly said a word to anyone. But in that moment, without words, you could see how terrible she felt for a total stranger. 

She peaked my interest and I longed for a friend who could relate to my struggles. Who could genuinely understand me. 

So after group, I followed her into the empty common room. It was pretty late at night so most people were doing their best to get rest so they would have to worry about food. After all, sleep was the only escape from the reality we were all locked in. 

My introduction startled her, "I'm Serena." 

She jumped and turned around to look at me. Seraphina put her hand over her heart and closed her eyes. "Jeez, you scared the shit out of me." she complained, but then a quick smile appeared on her face. I couldn't help but reciprocate the warmth. I smiled back.