Some Thorns, Some Roses

XXVI | Strange

I was sitting on my couch, flipping through color swatches with Seraphina. "Oo! That's a pretty color Rena!" she showed me this orange-y looking color with a little pink in it. No not coral, another color that I didn't know the name of. 

"It's pretty, but it's also a Winter wedding. That is too warm." I answered honestly and continued flipping through the colors. 

"True." she agreed with me, nodding her head and flipping through the other color book. 

As I was flipping and turning the page, it dawned on me. I hadn't even picked out a dress for Winter Formal and I was going to have a wedding dress fitting the same weekend. I haven't even held a graduation cap in my hands before, however, I was choosing a wedding bouquet. Something about this concept made me feel scared so I quickly closed the book and set it aside. 

"We can finish this another time." I told her and stood up. I walked into the kitchen and looked for the strongest drink available. 

As I was searching through all of the cabinets, I didn't even notice Beau sitting on the kitchen stool by the counter. I went right pass him and didn't even notice him. 

Seraphina followed me in and didn't even notice him either. She was too busy trying to figure out what went wrong. "What's the matter? I thought we were supposed to be choosing colors for the wedding?" 

I continued to look for an alcoholic beverage. "I need a break." I answered dryly, finally finding vodka. "Yes!" I cheered when I finally found it. 

I quickly opened the bottle and didn't even bother to get a glass. I poured it straight down my throat, feeling some kind of relief from my nerves when I drank it. 

"Serena it's okay to be nervous-" 

"Nervous?!" I interrupted her, looking at her like she was insane. "I am not even 18 and I am going to be a bride! I haven't graduated high school or even been to prom! Everyone is going to think I'm pregnant or stupid!" 

"No one is going to give a shit Serena." 

They will. 

"They are because I do!" I cried out, slamming the bottle down on the counter. "What the hell am I even doing?! I can't get married, I love him, but I am not in love with him. Not anymore at least! I don't know what I'm doing." 

"You are saving your life." she reminded me why I was doing this in the first place. "You are doing this because you want to live and you are doing this because you want your family to live." 

"My family could make it without me, once I'm dead they will be alright." I started to ramble aloud. My darkest thoughts left my mouth and once they left it was over. "I'm the only one they want. Maybe they can just have me, I mean is it really worth it?" 

Angel's eyes shimmered with a layer of tears. "Serena Anne Holden, do not ever say that again!" she warned me with a severity that she has never had before. I heard this seriousness from her when we were talking Atwood off the cliff. 

"Your life is worth it!" 

"Is it?" I questioned her with equal tears in my eyes. "Is it really worth it?" 

"Yes." Beau answered with a serious and loud voice. "Yes, it is worth it and so many people would agree with me." 

Seraphina and I both stared at him with a shocked expression. We were under the impression that we were alone, we thought that this was a private conversation. There was no way that I would have said half of the things I said if I knew he was here. I forget that I live in this house with him.