Some Thorns, Some Roses

XXIII | Miscreants of God

My breathing was paused by Atwood's large hand that covered my mouth. He was standing behind me, holding me still. I was panicking, which made a loud sound while being a small echoed space. I could barely hear Atwood at all. If he weren't holding me tightly, I would believe that he was dead or something. He didn't move, breathe, nor make a single sound.

His other hand was wrapped around my waist so hard that I was being bruised. 

If this were my house, we'd be caught in an instant. I have a walk in closet that is big and spacious and there is absolutely no where to hide. But not this (safe) penthouse. This place has numerous places to hide just in case of emergencies. For example, we were wrapped around the corner of the closet, which isn't noticeable unless you really look for it. 

Someone would have to come deep into the closet and shuffle through the clothes hanging up to find us. However, if we made a noise, we'd easily be caught. 

Quite honestly, I feel like kicking myself in the ass for not memorizing  those codes better. It could have saved our lives to know more info. However, I did know this closet had a weapon, but I just couldn't move. 

I was too scared and Atwood was holding me too tightly. It would have been too loud to try and get away from him, our argument would not have been a silent one. Especially because it was pitch black. 

But here's the bad part about this door, it is bullet proof. I know that may seem like a bad thing, but we couldn't see outside. At my house, you could peek through the cracks to see if someone was in your room. I'm not saying my closet is better, I'm just saying we would have had that vantage point. 

In that moment, that stupid fight I had with PJ was on my mind. The fact that I was mad at him for kissing Seraphina or that I was bitter about the situation sat on my mind. 

Seraphina. 

My Angel. 

God. 

I'm stupid. I shouldn't have been mad at her for forgiving PJ and not me. I should have been more understanding and a better friend. I should have hugged Quincy a little longer the last time I saw him. I should have called his phone last night. 

I should have waved Atticus goodbye as he drove away back to school. I should have went to watch that movie with Auggie the other day. 

I should have told my dad that I was glad to be his daughter and I should have thanked my mom for choosing to love me when Evita didn't. 

I should have texted Atlas back and talked to him one last time. 

I should have told Xander that I appreciated his efforts to get me out of this and I'm sorry for being a bitch about it. I should have been in a better mood when I was around West to give him peace about this situation. I should have thanked for sneaking me brownies during my recovery from the bullet wound. I should have shown gratitude to Davy for giving me chance when no one else did. 

And perhaps, I should have sooner figured out my romantic feelings for Perris instead of trying to run away from the idea of it. I should have at least told him what I really felt about him, romantic feelings or not. 

These ideas caused for tears to fall down my face. As soon as Woods noticed I was crying so with the hand that was holding me still, his strong grasp morphed into a warm embrace. 

It almost made me cry harder, but I held my shit together. I just wanted to live so desperately. That was the only goal. 

To live.