Some Thorns, Some Roses

XXXVI | I Should Have Known Better

I was in the process of starting my college essay, completing emerging myself in the contents of my life. Never had a took a moment to acknowledge the occurrences in my life that allowed me to recognize how much that I have actually went through. 

I had only completed the first paragraph when I realized that a tears had rolled across my cheeks. 

"Pretty girls shouldn't cry." Beau's voice rang so clearly through the living room that I popped my head up to meet his eyes. He had a small smirk on his face and his arms were folded across his chest. I was surprised he even said anything to me. We hadn't spoken in a long time, actually we had said a word to each other in weeks so hearing him speak to me was a bit of a shock. 

I didn't quite know what to do with myself. I smiled a little at his compliment/joke. 

"It's alright." I said, shrugging my shoulders. "They are happy tears... or closure tears?" 

"Well, good." he spoke shortly, sighing deeply. He turned on his heels as if he was about to leave, but I seriously panicked. I needed this opportunity to apologise to him and finally make amends. We may not ever be back to normal, but at least I wanted to have the opportunity to genuinely fix what I broke. 

"Wait!" I exclaimed, tossing my computer aside and standing up. Beau turned around and looked at me with curiosity. "C-could we talk?" 

Great going, you definitely did that with confidence. 

Shut up. 

His face falls into a neutral position when he realizes what I wanted to speak about. "Serena." he started, calling my name in the most annoyed way. 

"I know you don't wanna hear from me and unpacking everything is strange, but please let me explain..." I asked, using what was left of our connection to use him.

He sighed and nodded his head, folding his arms once again. "Okay." 

This time I let out a sigh of relief and repeated, "Okay. Alright." 

Beau walked closer to me, but not close enough to insinuate that we were back to our old ways. There was also a clear boundary that I wasn't going to break. 

"Me and Perris were never in a relationship and we had sex a while back. It was before Thanksgiving and when you told me that you wanted it to be real." I started to explain, fiddling with my fingers, but watching his face closely for any response. 

He stopped me and made a point, "I'm not that upset about the sex. I'm more hurt about you allowing me to pour my heart out to you and not one second did you stop me from doing that." 

"I know." I said with a soft voice. 

"And if it were just sex then I could get over it." he continued, looking at me like he was more upset then he was showcasing. "But you are in love with him and I could see what everyone else at that table was trying to ignore. It was so much more than sex."

I nodded my head, agreeing with his words. "And you are so right. I should have stopped you and told you what was going on. And everything that I did was selfish." 

He didn't respond to me. He just looked to the side and replied, "Not only was it selfish, it was hurtful." 

I nodded my head again, this time looking at the floor. 

"No matter what feelings I had for you, I thought we were friends. Such good friends that we would be honest with each other. I wouldn't have liked that you fell in love with someone else, but I would have tried to figure out how to make you happy." 

"I should have known better." 

"You should have known better." he said right after my statement. "You should have known better that I wouldn't have been upset with you. You should have known better that I would have tried to convince your family to accepting the idea of you being with Perris. You should have known better that I would put you first because you are my friend before anything and you should have known better that I would have loved you regardless."