Some Thorns, Some Roses

VIII | If Thumbs Were Vows

Attempting to help myself was harder than it seemed. Usually I would use art as a means for self-care or dance. But recently, I have not been able to seek comfort in that way. 

It was the end of the week, signalling we finally get a weekend break. During the first period, I was doing everything but the work, nor paying any attention to Mr. Cox. Seraphina was nearly falling asleep while the rest of the students were indulging in regular teenage endeavours. 

I was drawing a picture of a rose with leaves. It was just the start so at this time I only had a stem. Then Mr. Cox got interrupted by one of the front office aids. I wasn't paying too much attention, I only noticed he stopped his long ass lecture. 

He cleared his voice, which caused the majority of us to look up. Angel woke up, but I didn't take my eyes off of my doodling, being very frustrated that it wasn't helping me relieve any sort of stress. I was determined at this point. Even when Mr. Cox started speaking, I still didn't give him a glance. 

While I remained focused on my sketch, Mr. Cox introduced a new student to the school. 

I have not been able to find comfort in any sort of way. Only in other people, which I found to be fairly crippling and gave me some difficult dependency issues. That was one reason why him coming to our school was one of the worst decisions of the year for me. 

"This is Frances Beauregard and he will be joining us for the rest of the semester. Please be kind to him..." Mr. Cox announced, causing my eyes to quickly snap the the front of the room. 

Frances Beauregard. Beau. 

He stood there in leather, hair disheveled probably from a motor bike helmet, the smell of his cologne breezed pass me and because I was sitting near the air vents, and his smile was just as charming as ever. I could literally hear Perris scoot his chair closer to me. I swallowed a large lump down my throat, not being able to relinquish eye-contact with him. 

One of my past lovers, but also a good friend to me. I wanted to focus on helping myself, and I knew that I attracted to people who care for me because of my weakened state of grief. But all my good sense was diminished and to me self-care equalled being with him. 

Before he had the chance to walk to a seat, I accidentally whispered, only loud enough for the people fairly close to me to hear it, "Shit." 

When I got out of class, I basically ran out of the room. Angel could barely keep up, however Perris was only a step behind me. He knew why I wanted to leave so suddenly. Before I had to explain myself to Angel or anyone else(my brothers), I ran into the bathroom and pulled out my phone. I instantly called Davy, hoping he was back from the tour of Tulane. When he instantly answered, I sighed in relief, but not too much relief.