MIA: Blood Gulch Chronicles

[2] An Audience of Dumb

Sheila and Lopez approaching Red Base. Tucker driving Sheila

Tucker: Ahh, Sheila we have to slow down or we're gonna run into that jeep!

Sheila: Please take evasive action. Please take evasive action.

Tucker: You take evasive action!

Wolfsen: Just use the fucking pedals! One of the six will help you take evasive action!

Tucker: Since you refuse to be helpful Wolfsen... Hey, Lopez, help me out! Can't you talk to her?

Lopez: Perdóname. Pero no puedo hablar con mujeres bellas porque sudo. [Sorry. I'm not good at talking to beautiful women. I get sweaty.]

Wolfsen: I'm fucking trying to help retard!

Grif and Donut are crouching behind the jeep

Donut: Well old buddy, it looks like this is the end for us. Since we're going to die anyway, there's only one thing left for us to do. Grif-

Grif: If you actually suggest what I think you're about to suggest, I'll just have to kill myself.

Donut: -lets make a break for it!

Grif: Whew! In that case lets go on 3. That's worked well for me in the past.

Donut: Okay, you count.

Grif: Fine, but don't look at me while I count because I get nervous. (he turns around and Donut stands up) 1... (Donut runs away) 2.. (he turns around and sees Donut running) That son of a bitch, he beat me at my own game. Curses!

Sheila is heading right at the jeep

Sheila rams into the jeep, blowing it up and sending Grif and Lopez flying. Lopez yells in surprise of the explosion as he lands in a pool of Grifs Blood. Grif is briefly shown splatterd on the ground. The scene changes to show Sheila being covered by dust and rock lifted by the explosion. The scenes cuts to inside the red base. Donut runs up to Sarge and Simmons Panting heavily.

Sarge: Good golly Miss Molly! What is going on out there?

Donut: (Panting as he speaks) Sir, the blues are attacking with their tank! They-they blew up the Warthog, again.

Simmons: I wonder what jeeps ever did to those guys.

Donut: Grif and I just barely had enough time to make it out of there. Right Grif? ....uhh, Grif?

Cut to inside Cabooses mind

Church: (to Caboose's mental image of Church) Why the hell did they pair me up with you?

Mental-Church: I wanted to keep my eye on you. I don't trust giantic turds trying to steal my best friend, you rimjob!

Church: Well, this is going to be a great trip.

Mental image of Church approaches the ledge overlooking the area

Mental-Church: Attention Reds! The great Caboose demands an audience with you! So listen up, you blowjobbing cocksuckers!

Mental image of Simmons appears

Mental-Simmons: Caboose? Oh no, he's come to kill us!

Mental image of Grif appears, wearing yellow armor

Mental-Grif: Would someone please help me, I don't want to die!