MIA: Blood Gulch Chronicles

[4] Setting a High Bar

Fade in to some burnt-looking plains

Andy: Hey, he's been explaining to me everything we should encounter. The legend's pretty old, but the details are pretty clear.

Tucker: Listen dude, I don't care what you say, I'm not killing any monsters.

Andy: Hey, don't interrupt! It's hard enough to translate without yo-

Tucker: Oh, well, if this little quest depends on me killing stuff, we might as well just stop here.

Andy: Eh, don't be a chicken.

Tucker: I'm not chicken. I'm just... okay, I'm chicken.

Crunchbite: Blarh? B-blar blarg.

Andy: Blargy blarg, blarg, blarg honk.

Crunchbite: Wharg hnnk!

Tucker: What's he saying?

Andy: He wanted to know what a chicken is. I told him it's this nasty little bird that humans eat. And you also eat the white things that shoot out of its butt.

Tucker: You know you could have cleaned that up a little bit.

Andy: I did! They don't come out of its butt, you know!

Crunchbite: Hargh!

Andy: Heh yeah, they're pretty disgusting.

Tucker: Chickens aren't that bad.

Andy: He was talkin' about you guys. He's not a big fan. I'm not either.

Crunchbite: Hrnk.

Andy: Earth sucks.

Tucker: Hsh, Earth does not suck, Earth rules. We invented the telephone.

Crunchbite: Arg l largh.

Andy: He says they invented the telephone too. And they did it a thousand years before you did.

Tucker: Oh, well what'd they have to say on it, "blarg blarg honk honk?" Who the fuck wants to hear that?

Crunchbite: Blarg honk.

Andy: Okay. These are the Great Burning Plains we talked about.

Caboose: They don't look burning... they look burnt. Hey, I recognize this place.

Andy: Get ready. He's gonna distract the monster, and you use your heroic powers to swoop in-

Tucker: Heroic powers?

Andy: Yeah. You're the big hero from that prophecy, ain't cha?

Tucker: Oh right. Boy are you guys gonna be disappointed. (draws the sword)

Andy: And don't forget, go for the weak spot in the armor.

Tucker: Yeah, and where was that again?