MIA: Blood Gulch Chronicles

[5] The Nesting Theory

Fade in to Grif, Alroy and Simmons looking straight down

Grif: Yep, that's a hole alright.

Simmons: That's what I told you!

Grif: Huh. And Sarge's body is gone.

Simmons: Right. I think it fell through that hole in to the cavern.

Alroy: What do you think is down there?

Grif: I dunno, probably death. You know, maybe he just disappeared. Dead things do that when you bury 'em. That's part of the circle of life, you know. It's a miracle when you think about it. No reason to go randomly exploring caves which may or may not contain hundreds of evil bats, that would just be interfering with God's divine plan.

Alroy slowly walks away.

Simmons: Okay, A, Sarge wasn't dead; B, decomposing takes months, not minutes; C, his armour would still be here; and D, shut up, you're going down there. Now.

Grif: Why? What do we really need Sarge for anyway? All he ever did was yell at us a bunch and tell us we suck, we'll just split up his duties. You yell at me and I'll tell you you suck.

Simmons: Shut up and get in the hole Grif!

Grif: You suck, Simmons. Hoho man, this new system's already workin' out great! We should have thought of this years ago.

Alroy: You know what, I'm tired of standing around doing nothing. Let's find out what's down there!

Alroy proceeds to take a leap of faith into the hole.

Grif: And he's gone..

Simmons: Grif, don't you understand that because we lost Sister, we're horribly outnumbered. We already lost Donut and Sarge, now it's four on two. The Blues are probably gearing up for an enormous attack right now. At any moment they're gonna come over that hill, guns blazing yelling "CHAAAARGE!"

Cut to the battleground that suddenly surrounds the Blues as Tex ruthlessly shoots at them

Church: RETREAT!!!

Tucker: Aaaaaaahhhh!

Caboose: Running, running, running, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap.

Wolfsen: Why are you shooting at me? I haven't even been here!

Sister: Who is that?

Tucker: That's Tex.

Sister: Whoah, he's a badass.

Caboose: (hit) Ow.

Sister: He's kinda hot.

The Blues take cover behind their base

Tucker: Tex isn't a guy, she's a girl.

Sister: Oh, sorry. She's a badass. She's kinda hot!

Wolfsen: Not to burst your bubble, but she's wearing a helmet.

Tucker: She's actually Church's ex-girlfriend.

Sister: Oh yeah? Why aren't you guys dating any more?

Church: Are you seriously asking that question right now?

Caboose: Last time I was shot, I got a Purple Heart. Yeah uh I hope this time, I get a Purple Lung. You see eventually I, I hope to build an entire purple person. And we will be best friends.