MIA: Blood Gulch Chronicles

[3] Defusing the Situation

Fade in to the Blues

Tucker: You're trying to tell us that this bomb can talk.

Caboose: I'm not telling you that, he's telling you that.

Andy: Yeah, and I'm standing right here. You can talk to me.

Tucker: If you could talk this whole time, then why didn't you just... wait, why'm I talking to a bomb? I'm not doing this.

Andy: What, am I not good enough to talk to? Who do you think you are, some kind of "too good to talk to a bomb" type?

Church: Maybe it's a good idea not to piss off the explosive device.

Tex and Wolfsen: I agree.

Church: I wasn't talking about you Tex. I wasn't talking about either of you.

Tex: Hey, why don't you suck my-

Tucker: Did Gary say anything about the bomb being able to talk?

Church: Uh, just that this whole place is going to be destroyed by us, and that Andy here is probably the thing that does it.

Tucker: Oh. That's not good.

Andy: I don't think so. Bunch of shisnos if ya ask me. And no one did ask me which I find insulting!

Church: Alright, alright, calm down Andy, calm down.

Andy: Don't tell me to calm down, I am calm!

Church: Caboose, calm this thing down before it has a meltdown.

Andy: (under Church) Look at me! I'm calm!

Caboose: Andy, everyone here is your friend. And no one wants to hurt you.

Andy: Yeah right.

Caboose: Come on Andy, think of a happy place. Now what makes you happy?

Andy: Being in the middle of a huge explosion!

Church: Less happy place Caboose, less happy place!

Caboose: Ah u... think calming thoughts, uh... let's count backwards from ten! Ten, nine, eight-

Wolfsen: Caboose!

Tex and Tucker: (at the same time) NO!

Church: (at the same time) Duck!

Cut to the Reds, Simmons in the Warthog and Grif next to it

Simmons: Okay. I'm ninety-five percent certain that the distress signal is coming from that way.

Sarge: Excellent work Simmons. Alright men... and Grif. Let's get ready to roll.

Grif: Only ninety-five percent certain?

Simmons: Grif, if there's one thing that I've learned in working with you, it's that there's always margin for error.