A Very 80's Infatuation - manxman

9. Your Love

Song: Your Love by The Outfield

--------------------

'Hey man, thanks for inviting me over.' Ethan was standing at my door looking as calm and collected as ever. I wish I could ask him for tips because I was always a wreck on the inside - but I'm not supposed to like him and he is probably so calm because he doesn't feel that way.

I smile at him as I respond. 'Well I thought because the girls decided to have a night out together, it would be a great chance to hang out.' Is it bad that I preferred these nights to any other? I hated it when Josie was around in particular.

Josie's on a vacation far away 

'It was a good idea. Shall we head in?' He motions inwards.

'Oh yeh, sorry. Do come in.' I lead him to the living room and take a seat on the settee. Ethan joins me. 'Drink?'

'Beer?'

'No problem.' I go to the kitchen and grab us some drinks and head back. 'Here you go,' I hand him one.

'I like this place, just my cup of tea. How do you have such a nice place at your age?' My face must have looked a picture because he apologised. 'I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to intrude on your personal stuff. Let's change the subject.'

'It's no bother, honestly - just a little bit of a sore point. My family run their own business and it does quite well. My mother was the main anchor for the company but she passed away a few years ago and left me a large sum of money. My brothers were pissed because they didn't quite get the same treatment in her will.

I don't know why this happened to be honest, she never said anything - I only guess she felt sorry for me, felt I was a little different from them and wanted to do more with my life. Of course, after her passing, all I wanted to do was stay with the company so I could feel just that bit closer to her.

Maybe I will leave one day when the time is right but for now, I stay there and save up all my hard earned cash for a rainy day incase I want a change of career. When you have a house that is brought and paid for, you end up with a lot of spare cash.' I try to laugh it off but Ethan isn't quite buying my cheery tone towards the end and he squeezes my hand.

I let a little tear escape before I quickly wipe it away and change the subject. 'So, tell me, how are things going with Josie? You seem pretty happy when you're together.'

Come around and talk it over 

'Ah, the old ball and chain.' His eyes crease as he laughs a little - something I have got used to seeing and it pleases me each time it happens. 'Hmm,' he looks a lot more serious all of a sudden. 'You know, s'ok. Probably won't last that much longer, because she is always so hard to please.' This surprised me. I thought he was falling in love with her. 'Talking of women, how are things with Jessie?'

So many things that I want to say 

You know I like my girls a little bit older 

I look into his eyes, willing him to understand my turmoil, but that won't happen. 'I...'

I just wanna use your love tonight 

I don't wanna lose your love tonight 

What do I say to him? 'You...' I plead with my eyes for him to let it drop but he looks just as eager for a response as ever. 'She's great.'

'But? I sense a but, and if that's correct, you need to tell me. She's my best friend and I need to know.'

I ain't got many friends left to talk to 

Nowhere to run when I'm in trouble 

'You are a good friend, but I just don't know what to say. I find it hard to make friends and here you are, just waltzing into my life and being there to talk to. Its... confusing me and that kiss was just...'

You know I'd do anything for you 

'I feel closer to you than anyone, ever. And that kiss just won't leave my head. Jessie is the best girl I have ever met, genuinly, but something about you just sticks in my brain.'

Stay the night but keep it undercover

I should shut up but I can't help it. 'I am really trying to forget about you in that way, but it's hard and it will take time. As soon as it's over and the feelings have passed, I will put all my effort into Jessie, I promise.'

I just wanna use your love tonight, whoa

I don't wanna lose your love tonight 

I am rambling on and on so much, but when I finish, I am left with him Ethan just staring at me.

Try to stop my hands from shakin' 

'Cause somethin' in my mind's not makin' sense

He doesn't say anything. What does this mean? I can't judge the situation at all.

It's been a while since we were all alone 

I can't hide the way I'm feelin' 

It has been at least a week since we were alone. Most the time we are with one of the girls or both so we don't get a lot of alone time. My hands feel like they are shaking and you could cut the atmosphere with a knife.

I lean towards Ethan and wait to see if he moves in as well. His head seems to move a bit but I can't tell if I just imagined it. I move a bit closer to him and wait for his next response.

He crashes his lips to mine and I get my answer. Electric sparks fly through me, or so it feels. This is better than the first time and our tongues haven't even touched yet. Our lips are just mixing and winding against each other.

I grab his face with my hands and stroke his cheek, but as I am about to use my tongue he rips himself away. It feels like I have just had part of myself torn away.

'I- I have to go.' He stutters. 'This is wrong and a mistake. I'm not gay and you're with Jessie.'

As you're leaving, please, would you close the door?

And don't forget what I told you 

My heart sinks and I hope he gives himself time to think about this seriously, and decide what he wants for himself, not for anybody else's reason. He needs to remember what I told him and hopefully figure out if he feels the same.

Just 'cause you're right, that don't mean I'm wrong 

Another shoulder to cry upon

He is right, it is wrong whilst I'm with Jessie - but it's not wrong to admit your feelings and see where things head. There is something between us whether he likes it or not. I may have got carried away back then but it wasn't just because I was horny - I felt a huge connection to him.

I just wanna use your love tonight, yeah

I don't wanna lose your love tonight

He runs out of my house and leaves me sitting there to figure out what just went on.