A Very 80's Infatuation - manxman

14. Separate Ways

Song: Separate Ways by Journey

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I love him. I love Jimmy, and that is why I have to make this friendship work - even if it breaks me. We stand here now as just friends, hearts disregarded and scattered in pieces.

Here we stand

Worlds apart

Hearts broken in two, two, two

Let's be honest - I am heartbroken but it is the price I am willing to pay to still be in his life. Even if it pains me so much that I can't sleep, feel like crying each time I see him with Jessie and want to curl into a ball and disappear any time he inadvertently touches me, I will remain his good friend. That I promise.

Sleepless nights

Losing ground

I'm reaching for you, you, you

He doesn't like me like that anymore, that is something he made very clear, but I still like him and need him in my life. Even as a friend. I am Jessie's best friend, although Jimmy can easily take her place if it means being closer to him and getting to be in his life.

And currently being Jessie's best friend means I will also be good to her. I know declaring my love for her boyfriend behind her back isn't a good thing to do, but I will more than make up for my insanity and crimes against friendship. I am a sucky friend and that will change.

Feelin' that it's gone

Can't change your mind

There was no convincing him to make it work as more than friends and I accepted that. And I am honestly going to try and respect his wishes. No silly business like trying to kiss him or hug him - strictly platonic from now is what I promise to him.

You know I still love you

Though we touched

And went our separate ways

He has to know how I really feel, and that I will always be there for him even though he said not to be. He told me not to hold on to hope, but secretely, I always will. I have to believe something good can come out of this other than being just mates - and if he was to never choose me, so be it. I can accept that, even if it means being forever alone.

If you must go

I wish you love

You'll never walk alone

Take care my love

Miss you love

You never know, I could meet someone else, someone that is less complicated. It won't be Josie, but she will do for now. I have treated her pretty badly and will most definitely make it up to her. She isn't my future wife but she deserves to be treated with a bit of respect and to be shown a really good time from a good boyfriend - I have been a bit forgetful and crappy lately with all this confusion and turmoil.

I wish Jimmy the best with Jessie, I really do. Even if it is not her that can give him the feeling of love that he so desires, he deserves somebody else. Somebody better than me.

Someday love will find you

Break those chains that bind you

Maybe even one day far into the future, he can realise just who he is and really be at peace with himself. He needs to live his life just how he wants and come to terms with everything that has been happening in his own way.

I don't think Jessie will stick around in his life, not after everything that has happened on my behalf to taint his relationship - even if it was all unintentional on my part. But even so, they deserve a peaceful, undisturbed time together for now.

One night will remind you

How we touched

And went our separate ways

Now that is just wishful thinking on my part. I wish he could wake up one day and realise I love him and will never leave or run away ever again. I wish he could find it in his heart to be with me and trust me. But I know he probably won't.

If he ever hurts you

True love won't desert you

If he finds that person for him, I promise myself that I can be there to pick up the pieces if it goes wrong. Each and every time he finds someone new, if he does that is, my true love for him will never fade.

I have to show him that I will never run again, even if it is just to fill my own personal need and not serve as a display of trust to him. He will probably never realise just how much I am trying to show him as a friend - I can't ever tell him I love him or want to be with him ever again so any signs of love or admiration need to be subtle.

You know I still love you

Though we touched

And went our separate ways

Who knows where the future will take us? For now, friendship will prevail and life will go on.