A Very 80's Infatuation - manxman

13. I Wanna Be Your Baby

Song: I Wanna Be Your Baby by Teenage Radio Stars (google it if you wanna)

Song: Not My Slave by Oingo Boingo (Video)

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'Ethan?' He was standing at my door looking more than nervous for the first time ever. 'Wh- What are you doing here?'

'We need to talk. Well, I'll talk and you can just listen. I understand that I have been a horrible friend and treated you badly but I need a chance to explain. Please give me this?'

'You don't deserve it. But I remember feeling confused at the start when I first met you, and if you were feeling the same then I can see why you have behaved the way you have.' I'll let him say his peace, then I'll say mine. 'Go ahead.'

Relief fills his face. 'Thank you. You are an amazing person. I miss you. I miss seeing you, touching you, being with you. I miss you.'

Oh you're just for far away

I wanna touch you everyday

He pauses but I don't interrupt because he clearly has more to say. That wouldn't win anyone over. Like anyone else, I need to hear more and he needs to give me more of a reason to forgive him other than he misses me. Even if I also miss him like crazy.

'I loved kissing you, even though I ran away - that wasn't a reflection on how I felt about you. I ran because I was scared to admit how I felt to myself. I won't run this time.'

But you seem to leave me all the time

And I'm always asking you to stay

That's what I think as he spills his guts out to me. He leaves me every time we get close. How can I possibly trust that he wouldn't do it again? Friends, lovers, anything - he could just up and leave at any time.

Like he could here my thoughts, he continued. 'I want to try to be with you.'

I wanna be your baby

And spend my time with you

It wasn't enough.

'When we first met, kissing you came to mind. And we did do that. There was very little stopping me from grabbing you and yanking you back to my apartment.'

I remember the first time that I met you

I felt that I had to take you home

'But scared wasn't even the word to describe the thoughts that entered my head. I'm sure it was the same for you and taking you back to mine would have just been the worst thing we could have done. The situation would be a whole lot worse than it is.

Then you came back into my life, which wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for me running away that night. You wouldn't have met Jessie and she wouldn't have re-introduced us. Then we met up and became friends I was besotted.'

But your eyes weren't looking in my direction

And sometimes you make me feel so alone

I didn't quite believe he was besotted that whole time - he was so good at convincing me otherwise and I was surprised now at this admission.

'I'm willing to try if you are. What do you reckon?'

So I wanna be your baby

And spend my time with you

'Oh, Ethan.' It sounds a little like a gush but I have to be clear from the get go.

With sadness in my heart and joy in my mind

I thought about the ghosts that we've left behind

'You turning up here has honestly made me so happy. I miss you, I really do. But I have to say - we can't do this.' His face drops and my heart swells and shrinks at the sight of sadness on his face.

With deafening sound whisper I love you

'I lo- like you, but we can't do this. We have to be friends. I have been with Jessie a while now and I do care about her. It isn't love yet but it could be. And you put me through so much, I had to force myself to move on. It was hard, but I am at a good place now.

The fire in your eyes, may it never go out

I hope you don't take this the wrong way. I had really tried with you but you were so unwilling that life went on without you.  But please don't let what I say discourage you from finding the right person for you. I am just not that person.' That bit hurt to say because I didn't necessarily believe it myself.

I see no escape from the roles we always play

He had hurt me so bad I didn't see how we could sort this out. 'We should try and be friends again. See how that goes and if it is too much for you, we can just stop hanging out with no hard feelings. That is if that's what you want.' I pause my speech for now to see what his response is.

'I can be friends.' He seemed calmer than I expected in his reply. 'But are you sure this is what you want? If we are to move one, we need to have completely cleared the air.' Concern sits in his voice.

And you're mine now but you're not my sister

And you're mine now but you're not my slave

And you're mine but you're not my child

And you're mine now but you're not my slave

'Ethan, you need to understand, this has to be it. I'm not willing to let it be anything other than that right now. I consider the air clearing right now, don't you?'

'Wait, does that mean you do have feelings for me and you just aren't willing to risk it right now? If there is any hope of us being an 'us' then tell me now because I can't see why we don't just give it a try.' I see hope in his eyes.

You're missin' the whole point, you're not my little pet

Don't throw away your life, the game's not over yet

I do not own your soul, don't want you in a cage

I only want your heart to find that special place

'Please, just leave it. I am saying that you shouldn't feel like there is hope for us in a romantic way because it shouldn't happen, and we owe it to ourselves to try and be happy another way. Look at all this pain and confusion so far - I can't keep doing it.' I really couldn't.

But I am not a King please don't worship me

'This has to be up to you as well. Can you be just friends?' This is the final time I shall ask him before I make the decision for him.

'I'd love nothing more than to try and be with you, I will admit. But if being with you means only being with you as a friend, then I will take it.' Now we are getting somewhere. 'To be honest, my complete feelings are still a little confused and mixed up but I can see that as a chance to change them to fit this new circumstance.

I'm not 100% in love with you I don't think' Ouch. 'So there is more than chance enough to squish any feelings and develop some for another.'

'So we are friends, nothing more? Just to confirm of course.'

'Of course, and yes. Friends it is.' He smiles at me as he says this and I smile back.

You're mine now but you're not my sister

You're mine now but you're not my slave

You're mine now but you're not my child

You're mine now but you're not my slave