A Very 80's Infatuation - manxman

15. Urgent

Song: Urgent by Foreigner
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And we are back on track! My friendship with Jimmy has come on leaps and bounds since we  spoke and it is incredibly easy to keep up pretences. You would never know that only weeks before, we were fighting a lost cause of love.

You're not shy, you get around
You wanna fly, don't want your feet on the ground

Jimmy has kept things as fun and upbeat as possible. We seem to be doing quite active things which gives us time to enjoy ourselves instead of dwelling on what could have been. No chance of stolen glances and weird moments like before when you are busy.

You stay up, you won't come down
You wanna live, you wanna move to the sound

I am surprised at how easy it has been. It is like we both know that this is the last chance we will have to make an arrangement like this work - if we let ourselves slip up, then we will have to exit each others life for good. Neither of us want that obviously. I wasn't going to have gone through all of that just for it to slip back out of grasp.

Got fire, in your veins, burnin' hot, but you don't feel the pain
Your desire, is insane, you can't stop, until you do it again

I don't know if Jimmy is even slightly interested in me like that any more. Even though I appear to be coping well, I am still a bit of an emotional mess. He seems like he is on that new popular drug ecstasy - never a moments rest or a glimpse in his eye of what might have been. I can't actually tell if he even cares...

But sometimes I wonder as I look in your eyes
That maybe you're thinking of some other guy

He does seem to be content with Jessie, and I am happy for them both. I can see the look of hope in his eyes when he looks at her, a look I wish he would give to me sometimes. But we are good friends now, better than good in fact, and that's more than enough for me to know.

But I know, yes I know, how to treat you right
That's why you call me in the middle of the night

Whether he is starting to believe in me or not, it is clear that trust is growing. As promised, I am there whenever he needs me. He can phone me at 11 at night just for a chat or pop round univited and have a night of beer and movies.

You say it's urgent, so urgent, so-oh-oh urgent...
Just you wait and see, how urgent, my love can be, it's urgent...

Maybe I am reading too much into his actions - there is still that hope for me that he will turn around and change his mind, telling me he wants to be with me. If that moment does happen, I am here waiting but at the same time, it is just a dream to me.

You play tricks, on my mind, you're everywhere
But you're so hard to find, you're not warm, or sentimental
You're so extreme, you can be so temperamental

I say it is just a dream because when I think for a moment and really look at the situation, he is just depending on me like a friend would. I haven't had many close friends so it can be hard for me to notice until I really think about it - but yes, he treats me much like Jessie does. If he wanted more, he would act so much more than her.

But I'm not looking for a love that will last
I know what I need and I need it fast

But that doesn't matter. We entered this arrangement knowing love could never be there, and that is the ultimate expectation for me. Honestly.

Yeah, there's one thing in common that we both share
That's a need for for each other anytime, anywhere

All I need to know is that he realises I am here for him anytime, anywhere.

It gets so urgent, so urgent, you know it's, urgent
I wanna tell you it's the same for me, ooh-oooh, so-oh-oh urgent...
Just you wait and see, how urgent, our love can be, it's urgent...