A Very 80's Infatuation - manxman

24. Wouldn't It Be Good

Song: Wouldn't It Be Good by Nik Kershaw

--------------------

'Ethan?' I hear my name being called and instantly recognise the voice. 'You look like crap, what on earth happened?'

'Hi Josie. I... A lot has happened and you probably won't want to hear any of it.'

'You'd be surprised. I know that we didn't work and I can admit we were so wrong for each other, but I like to think we were friends and you look like you need one right now. Let's go grab a coffee and chat shall we?' Is this the Josie I first knew? She seems a lot happier and I now feel bad for not making more of an effort to see her after we broke up.

We have a quick chat about life, and I ask her how she is getting on. Apparently she met a lovely man named Steve and she is taking it slow, making sure he is right for her before she takes it any further. I am happy for her.

'Now on to the elephant. What is going on with you? You look heartbroken.'

I got it bad, you don't know how bad I got it

'That's because I am.' I don't know what else to add to it just yet so I let her ask questions instead.

You got it easy, you don't know when you've got it good

'Jimmy?' How did she guess that?

It's getting harder, just keeping life and soul together

I'm sick of fighting, even though I know I should

'Are you psychic?' I laugh.

'I could see the way you were together, I'm not stupid. I may not have realised it at the time but sometimes I see couples in love and it just reminds me of how you were with him.'

'Wow. That has surprised me. I didn't know myself how I was feeling back then but I guess it was there that whole time, I admit.

Wouldn't it be good to be in your shoes

Even if it was for just one day

You don't understand the whole story though, and I wish I could be someone else for a day - I wish I could be like you instead. You know what you want and you get it.'

Wouldn't it be good to be on your side

The grass is always greener over there

'I didn't get you.' She blushes slightly, possibly embarrassed. 'But in a way, that was a good thing and now I can find someone who I can love, who will love me back.'

You must be joking, you don't know a thing about it

You've got no problems, I'd stay right there if I were you

'So you haven't got an issue with me being gay? Because that's what I've discovered it seems.'

'Gay, straight, bi. It's all the same to me. Love is love no matter how you look at it. So I take it he doesn't feel the same - that is a shock to be honest. He gave you the same looks.' He did?

I got it harder, you couldn't dream how hard I got it

Stay out of my shoes if you know what's good for you

'He did feel the same, before I even realised what I felt. But I rejected him. Twice.'

'Ah.' She lets me continue.

'I met him before Jessie in fact. We connected in a club and kissed but I ran, not understanding what was going on. Next thing I know, he is with Jessie and I'm terribly confused. He professes his love and we kiss again, but I run scared and fuck everything up.

Only after reflection and breaking up with you did I realise my true desires and that is when I proclaimed my love. But it was too late by this point and he rejected me - told me he owed it to Jessie to give it a go.

The heat is stifling

Burning me up from the inside

The sweat is coming through each and every pore

Now I feel like absolute crap and there is nothing I can do about it. He won't see how much I have changed for him, and how I would never run again. What else can I do?'

I don't want to be here no more

'That is a tough one. Are you absolutely sure that he wants nothing more to do with you?'

Wouldn't it be good to be in your shoes

Even if it was for just one day

'I am sure, yes. I can't stand to be in my own apartment any more, knowing he could be only doors away with my best friend.

And wouldn't it be good

If we could wish ourselves away

I wish things were so simple. I wish all of this away.'

'Maybe it's time for you to move on. Have you considered moving out? Not ideal, but it may make it easier for you to cope whilst you are getting over this whole situation. Is there any relatives you can go stay with for a while until you can figure out your next move?'

I got it bad, you don't know how bad I got it

You got it easy, you don't know when you've got it good

'You're right - makes total sense. I have an aunt I can stay with a few towns away, and it's an easy commute in to work. This could be just what I need. Although it feels like I am sort of giving up.

It's getting harder, just keeping life and soul together

I'm sick of fighting, even though I know I should

I have to try though. You never know, your idea could work.'

'I'll remind you to thank me when the time is right,' she teases.

'Josie?'

'Yes Ethan?'

'Thank you. You have actually helped.'