A Very 80's Infatuation - manxman

10. I Ran

Song: I Ran by Flock Of Seagulls
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I walked along the avenue.

I wonder around into the night, not really thinking of anything or going anywhere in particular. What did I just let myself do? I had tried so hard to pretend I was ok with having Jimmy around, and pretend I didn't feel anything but I did, I do.

I never thought I'd meet a girl like you
Meet a girl like you. 

I honestly didn't believe my feelings were permanent at first. I don't like guys, so I thought they would disappear if I dated a girl for long enough. But the more time I spend with Josie, I realise that isn't the case. And the more time I spend with him, the more I realise he is special. He is quite perfect if I'm honest.

With auburn hair and tawny eyes; 
The kind of eyes that hypnotize me through; 

He is unlike any guy, or girl, that I have ever met. His looks entrance me and I pray that when we are together, he doesn't notice how much I am bricking it. I have nearly ran away on every man-date we have ever had, but somehow I manage and he doesn't even bat an eyelid. On our first 'hang-out', he nearly floored me when he appeared across the road, but our eyes connected and that gave me strength to carry on.

Hypnotize me through. 

I had to think on my feet and change the day to something less intimate - I couldn't spend an afternoon sitting across from him without wanting to kiss him. I even had to keep lapping him at the skating rink just to avoid him and avoid wanting to hold his hand. I was glad he was a lousy skater because this meant I could get away with it.

And I ran, I ran so far away.
I just ran, I ran all night and day. 
I couldn't get away. 

When I see him, it is like he is in his own little world, standing out miles against any other girl I see. Josie really is no match for him, although she does try hard. He has a great laugh, and he smiles wth his eyes all the time - not just to me - and when he speaks to you, he makes you feel like you are the only person in the world that matters to him in that moment.

A cloud appears above your head; 
A beam of light comes shining down on you, 
Shining down on you. 

I made sure we mainly met as couples to keep it all impersonal and to stop us from developing real feelings. That backfired alarmingly badly tonight.

And I ran, I ran so far away. 
I just ran, I ran all night and day. 
I couldn't get away 

The night started out well, and I'd had no intention of letting anything happen. Actually I was getting confident in my ability to ignore my feelings around him and hoped tonight would have been my first attempt at not thinking about him in that way for a whole night.

Then had to tell me about his mother didn't he.

Reached out a hand to touch your face;

I felt so bad for him in that moment, like I was hurting for him, and I squeezed his hand innocently and in a reassuring way initially. But those eyes. And then he spilled his guts out to me when I tried to change the subject and make him think of Jessie (and also to remind myself he was with her - I needed the subject change as well as him).

Reached out a hand to try again; 

A then we kissed.

I'm floating in a beam of light with you; 
A beam of light with you. 

Well I kissed him. That speech. It was so heartfelt and I could tell he meant every word. He showed me what he wanted by moving closer, and his eyes sparkled in that way they do which made me just want to grab him and kiss him. I couldn't have stopped myself even if Jessie or Josie was in the room.

I thought that at the time and that's what made me pull away so abruptly. We were taken.

And I ran, I ran so far away.

I left his, mumbling something to him and ran. I don't know what I said but it's all that would come out at the time. I'm glad one part of my brain was thinking because the main 'me' was all mush. If he'd have stopped me, I would not have been able to resist him a second time around.

I just ran, I ran all night and day. 

And that's how I ended up here, where this is exactly I don't know. I didn't even bring my wallet out - I'd assumed I would be hanging around Jimmy's place all night. Hopefully I'll recognise somewhere soon and be able to walk home because I have no other way of getting there.

He must hate me for running again - he is never going to want to see me, I just know it. Maybe it would be best if I stay away from him for a while - stick to just couple dates and focus on Josie. He deserves a chance to focus on Jessie as well.

This idea will work. I think.

I couldn't get away.